Five Ways to Learn to Act Not RE Act in Love By Sherrie Campbell

Why is love so hard? This is a common question. It is emotional reactivity that makes love painful and elusive. When we are emotionally reactive we are acting out of our defenses not our hearts or our truth. We become egotistical and self-protective rather than open and vulnerable. Sadly, emotional reactivity is highly contagious. Once one person gets defensive and inflexible it tends to infuriate the other who ends up doing the same.

This only increases the conversation tension between partners. When we lose emotional control we end up disrespecting our partners in the worst and most offensive ways that undermines the trust and sense of accountability in our relationships. The truth cannot come to the surface for discussion because being reactive blocks the true understanding of the information that needs to be discussed and resolved. In essence being reactive serves to prevent lovers from being able to say what they really need and want to say, and thus, solutions are slow to come if they can come at all.

Here are five effective ways to learn to Act and not Re-Act in love.

Dr. Sherrie Campbell is an author and a licensed Psychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly achieve an empowered life. She is a featured regularly on national online media and has a successful practice in Southern California. Get her free article on Five Ways to Make Love the Common Ground in Your Communication. Receive free insights from Sherrie through her Facebook community. For more information click here.

Focus on the Bigger Picture

When we Re-Act we are not seeing ourselves on the same team as our partners. We have to remember that we are on the same team. Try and understand where your partner is coming from and see the good in what they are saying because it is there. The intention is to come together. In order to do this, you need to stay calm and try and see the bigger picture. Most reactive people stay focused on small details that do not matter when it comes to the bigger picture. Learn to be collaborative not competitive.

Love can only thrive in mutually beneficial relationships where there is an equal give and take and a mutual back and forth. In order to love and be active in your love relationships you must realize that you do not have to be so emotional all the time. There are ways to be clear without being obnoxious. You have to know yourself well enough to say no when you need to, to be flexible when you need to and to know when to compromise. If you are not clear within yourself you will not be clear in your love relationships. We all desire love and we desire love that works. So, work on yourself by becoming less reactive.

Little life message: There is always something to learn from putting yourself aside to consider the needs of others.