Most people have some idea of what they are looking for in a spouse. For the majority of people, those lists of ideal traits are pretty similar. Few people want a spouse who does not have a sense of humor, and some level of physical attractiveness is usually preferred even though what a person may define as physically attractive varies wildly between people and cultures. As well as individuals, religions often have some sense of what makes an ideal husband or wife. In this regard, Christianity is no different.
When religious, cultural and individual ideals are combined, the description of a perfect spouse is often surprisingly specific despite how much it can still vary between individuals. The specificity of the ideal leaves open a decent amount of room for variety, but it does help those who are looking for spouses narrow the potential playing field.
As with members of other religions and cultures, Christians tend to have a good idea of what they want in a spouse. Physical characteristics tend to be less important than personality traits, and a great deal of a Christian’s interest is on a person’s actions and how they respond to certain situations. So, what do Christians really look for in a spouse?
They can admit when they are wrong.
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Christians are acutely aware that they are not perfect. They are flawed creatures who make mistakes, get things wrong and otherwise screw up. When they mess up, it is their job to apologize or, if no one was hurt or inconvenienced due to the mistake, accept that they were wrong and learn from it. Christians expect their spouse to be able to do the same. Quite frankly, no one wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who can never stand to be wrong. All it leads to is endless arguing and a distinct lack of apologies after fights. Christians especially are uninterested in someone who thinks that they are perfect. Christianity is based on the assumption that humans are imperfect. Trying to make a life with someone who thinks they are infallible is simply not going to work for a Christian. The Bible even says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
They are a person of honor.
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Christians tend to place a good deal of importance on a spouse being a person of honor. They want someone who will be honest instead of telling lies. They want someone who has deep seated knowledge of right and wrong. They want someone who has a strong sense of personal responsibility. They want someone who will honor their word and keep their promises.
Honor has sadly become something of a lost concept in the modern world. Too many people possess none of it. Lies are considered to be acceptable, and morals are flexible. That is not the sort of person a good Christian wants. They want someone they can trust to be moral, honest and do what they have promised to do. They want someone who will take responsibility for their actions, both good and bad, instead of hiding behind excuses. They want a person of honor.
They push you to become a better person.
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Relationships are meant to help the two people grow both as a couple and as individuals. As such, each person in the relationship should be helping the other to improve themselves. Christians especially look for a spouse who can help them to become a better person. Christians know that people can always become more devout, more generous, more compassionate and more honest. They want someone who will push them to become all those things. They want someone who will see the potential in the Christian to be a person who truly lives a holy life, and they want someone who will help them to become that holier person. Christians also want to be able to be that same person for their spouse. They want to be able to help their spouse grow and improve as a person while they themselves are doing the same.
They live a Christian life.
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As a general rule, people like to marry those with whom they share a worldview. This normally means that people prefer to settle down with someone who practices the same faith as them. Christians are no different than most in this regard. Most of them wish to marry someone who is also a Christian. More importantly, they want to marry someone who lives a Christian life and is not simply Christian in name only. They want their spouse to be humble and generous. They want someone who cares for others and is willing to sacrifice for their loved ones. They usually want a spouse who loves their family and shows it often. Christians want to live the rest of their lives with someone who does their best to model their life after Christ. Professing to be a Christian is all very well and good, but Christians are more interested in someone who truly practices what they preach.
They want someone who will walk with them on their faith journey.
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Christians spend their entire lives growing in and improving their relationship with God. When they marry, they want to tie the knot with someone who will walk with them along their faith journey. They do not want someone who thinks that they have finished their faith journey because Christians know that there is always room to grow and deepen a relationship regardless of whether it is between two people or a person and God. Christians want someone who hopes to grow their own faith. They want a partner for a journey, not someone who is waiting for them at the end of the road or watching from the sidelines. They want someone who will help them deepen their faith and whose faith will grow as well. Christians want their spouse to be their partner in all things, and religion is certainly not excluded from that list. It is too central to a Christian’s life.
Just like every culture and religion, Christians as a group have a general picture of what a person who is an ideal spouse is like. The traits are more personality based and about how a person reacts and responds to certain events. There is plenty of room for variation, but the traits of an ideal Christian spouse make it clear that what Christians want more than anything is a spouse who is a person of faith, love and honor.
