The Worst 7 Pieces of Christian Dating Advice Ever Told

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Dating is complicated enough on its own, but when you add some truly awful advice into the mix, it can be downright impossible to find love.

And unfortunately, Christian culture, just like any other, can be a wellspring of bad advice when it comes to dating.

This is because our fallible, human-run church culture can sometimes get some weird ideas in its collective head—half-baked dating ideas that aren’t really supported by the Bible. And when these iffy ideas are treated as scripture, people suffer.

These Christian dating misconceptions might sound funny, but they can have devastating effects on someone’s love life, keeping them isolated, lonely, and misinformed.

The truth is that the Bible really doesn’t give us any clear guidelines for dating. In fact, dating, as we know it, has existed for less than a century. Before our modern dating norms, there was the strict system of courtship in which few even got to choose who they married—dating occurred after marriage.

In the Bible, all you’ll find are guidelines on sex and marriage, and these are pretty simple: don’t sleep with anyone outside of marriage, don’t commit adultery once you’re married, and treat your romantic partner with love, kindness, and passion.

But Christian culture, it seems, is stuck at the awkward stage between those old courtship rituals and the modern-day world. To help you out, let’s take a look at the 7 worst pieces of Christian dating advice ever told so that you can tell fact from fiction.

Wait for a Sign

Oh, boy. If there’s one thing that will keep you single for your entire life, it’s waiting on a sign from God.

All too often, when some young churchgoer expresses interest in dating and asks about how to begin, he or she is met with “Just wait. God will give you a sign as soon as you meet the person you’re supposed to marry.”

So, what is the Biblical basis for this statement? Scratching your head? Well, you should be, because the Bible never says that mates are revealed this way.

Instead of waiting for a sign from God, internalize real, Biblical teachings on how you should conduct your life. Learn the fruits of the spirit. Model your choices after those of Christ. And then find someone who not only exhibits these same principles, but who also makes you happy, inspired, and madly in love.

God placed certain passions within you—you know what kind of person you’re attracted to. Consider these feelings the “sign” that you’ve been looking for, and listen to them as you search for love.

Don’t wait for a sign. It’s already there in your heart, right where God put it.

There's One One Right Person Out There for You

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Speaking of the heart, there’s one Christian dating myth that leads to more broken marriages than any other—the idea of the “soul mate.”

This myth revolves around the idea that God has designated one perfect romantic partner for each of us.

That’s it. Just one.

But when you think about this in terms of scripture, this idea is absolutely wrong. Imagine you fall in love and get married, but years later, things turn sour. Did you marry the wrong person? Did you singlehandedly destroy God’s plan for both you, and this mysterious person you never got to meet?

Nope. Nowhere does the Bible teach this. Instead, it merely teaches that we’re to look for Godly qualities in those we wish to marry. Other than that, the search is up to us.

The real danger of believe in the soul mate myth often comes after marriage, when a relationship become more difficult to maintain. One partner might suddenly take this difficulty as a sign that their spouse isn’t actually their soul mate, and use this as an excuse to leave.

But here’s the truth: you don’t find a soul mate. You make one, yourself by cultivating a beautiful relationship through work, compromise, and most of all, intentional love.

Don’t fall for this myth. You have a whole world of people to choose from.

Jesus is the Only Relationship You Need

Raise your hand if, when expressing your frustration at your lack of dates, you’ve been told that “Jesus is the only relationship you need.”

That’s probably going to be a lot of hands.

Get this—remember when God made Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden? Do you remember what He said about them?

“The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

It’s not good or man—or woman—to be alone. Men and women yearn for one another, and were made for each other. We have inborn psychological and physical needs that can only be met through a romantic connection with another human being.

Yes, Jesus is all we need in the spiritual sense, but just as you can’t read the Bible in place of eating and drinking, a relationship with God doesn’t take the place of a romantic relationship.

If you want to be happy, aspire for both.

All That Matters in a Partner is Faith

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When a young Christian starts dating, it’s often drilled into them to ignore all of a potential mate’s attributes save for one—faith. After all, it’s selfish to want someone who you’re attracted to, and who makes you happy, right?

Wrong.

When you’re sizing up a potential date—if it’s serious—you need to look at the whole person. Someone could be as faithful as can be, but might simply not be your type. You may be a tea-and-books person, and he or she may be a party animal. You might want a life spent traveling, while your potential date may be a shut-in.

Everyone has their own unique blend of qualities, and you have to find that one person who has qualities you can fall in love with to go along with their faith.

If you only judge your dates only by their theology, you’re going to have a hard time finding happiness, so don’t fall for this myth.

You Shouldn't Date Around

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Within many Christian circles, dating for fun is tantamount to sin. Because that first date is a big step toward an eventual “I do,” right?

It’s time to take a breath and step back from this myth.

This myth hearkens back to the olden days of highly structured courtship, when dating didn’t exist and most of your “dating” decisions were made for you by your culture and life circumstances, with marriage following soon after

Doesn’t exactly sound fun, does it?

Nor is it Biblical. Scripture tells us that we should make sure someone is living out their Christian faith, and that we shouldn’t engage in sexual activity before marriage. Those guidelines are there to protect us from heartbreak.

But other than that, we’re free to find love in the best way possible—through trial and error, and through the sense of reason God gave us. After all, how else would you discover that kind of person you like best?

Toss this myth aside and get to know a variety of people. That’s the only way to find the one who is right for you, and how you can be right for someone else.

Physical Intimacy is Dirty

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Sexuality is one of the biggest taboos of Christian culture—so much so, that some feel that unmarried people should never go out on one-on-one dates so as to avoid any temptation.

But while scripture gives us guidelines on the actual act of sex, it’s much less forthcoming about things like kissing or making out. That part is up to us, and while each couple’s threshold is different, most can have the self-control to bond through touch without moving on to sex.

That touch is important. It helps us grow close to our partners and allows us to get to know them all the better. When you don’t have that, your dating relationship can feel empty and unsatisfying.

But the even bigger problem here is the fact that physical intimacy—even something as innocuous as hand holding—is equated with dirtiness and sin. It’s neither.

But when this message is hammered into your head for years, you’re going to have some intimacy problems when you do get married. You’ll be afraid to explore and experiment.

Physical intimacy isn’t dirty. It’s sacred, and reframing sexuality in this way will do you a lot of good after marriage.

God is the Answer to all Your Relationship's Problems

And finally, we come to the biggest Christian dating myth of them all: the idea that God is the answer to all of your relationship problems.

This doesn’t mean that God can’t work miracles and wonders in your relationship. He can. No—this is about sweeping problems under the rug simply because you’ve prayed about them and expect them to just disappear.

Relationships are like living things. They have to be nurtured, taken care of, and made to grow. They change over time, and we have to change with them. Problems arise, and they must be dealt with, sometimes with great difficulty.

Simply saying “Leave it all up to God,” when problems occur is lazy. Remember when Moses tried to pull that stunt when God told him he had to go face Pharaoh? God told Moses to get up and do it anyway—with a little help. God was with Moses, but He expected Moses to do his part.

Likewise, we have to work at our relationships in order to make them better. Even the best dating relationships aren’t perfect—you’ll have to compromise and learn how to treat one another with respect, even when angry.

Go to God with your problems, but don’t stop there. Apply Biblical principles—namely, kindness, respect, and love—to repair your relationships when they go wrong.