Ladies, if you think real men aren’t out there, you’re wrong. You’ve probably just been dating too many boys who aren’t ready to grow up yet. You’re boyfriend may be one of them. If you think age has everything to do with being a man, you’re wrong about that too. Age is just a number. It’s a man’s actions that define who he really is and where your relationship is headed. A grown man can exhibit the qualities of a boy, and a young man can exhibit the qualities of a man. It just depends on his actions and where he is in life. Here are six signs you’re dating a boy, not a man. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
You’re Unclear If You’re Actually Dating: A boy is rarely eager to make the relationship official because of his fear of rejection or his fear of commitment. A boy will have you playing the guessing game, where you’re constantly asking yourself “Are we really dating?”. He may even tell you that he’d rather just “hook up” or be friends instead of talking to you straight about where he is mentally and what he truly wants from the relationship. With a real man, there’s very little to guess about. He’s straightforward about his wants and needs and wants you to be clear about those wants and needs so you both are on the same page. If he wants to be with you, you’ll know it from the first series of dates. Yes, I said dates.
You Feel Like You’re Playing Mom: If you’re dating a boy, you may feel like you’re taking over the mom role. When you come by his place, his apartment (or living space) is filthy, his laundry is undone because he doesn’t know how to work the machine and he only eats junk and fast food because he doesn’t know how to cook because he never really had to (PB&J and Ramen Noodles don’t qualify). Because of this, these responsibilities have magically fallen into your lap. These things probably won’t change because the boy you’re dating is looking for a stand-in-mom to take care of him, not a grown woman in his life.
He Has Trouble Speaking His Mind: Boys have trouble communicating, and when they do, they may have trouble doing so calmly and respectively. They’re used to getting their way, so when it comes down to dealing with issues in the relationship, they have trouble hearing what you have to say because they’re accustomed to not having to deal with issues directly. Boys will also do everything they can to avoid uncomfortable conversations, showing up passive aggressively whereas a mature man will want to have a productive conversation with you in an effort to eliminate confusion and awkwardness. When you do end up in arguments with a boy, they can easily become about them, not about the situation at hand.
He Never Outgrew Video Games: Nothing’s wrong with the guy you’re dating enjoying video games. For a lot of men, these games serve as a source of stress relief after a long day, but when these video games get in the way of his personal/professional goals, and the ability for the two of you to have an intimate and healthy relationship, there’s a problem. A guy who gets so lost in gaming that he forgets about the existence of responsibilities is a boy, not a man.
He is intimidated by your success: Boys are intimidated by smart women because they’re insecure about themselves, and their own intellect. They also fear they will have to step their game up to accommodate her needs, and they aren’t ready for maturity yet. He also fears how he will look compared to her to the outside world, particularly if she graduated from a more prestigious school than he did, or makes more money than he does. He may admire her success and drive, but is too insecure to fully embrace it. He’s comfortable staying in the comfort zone. A mature man is stimulated by a smart woman. He isn’t intimated by her, because he’s confident in his own abilities. He loves the way her presence compliments him and is proud that she’s in his life and he can call her his.
He Knows Little about Responsibility or the Future: A boy lives day by day. By living in the moment, he is mostly focused on getting by, not about responsibility or the future. A boy has little concern about your happiness because he’s so focused on his own. There’s no problem staying out all night, and sleeping in all day because he’s not focused on you or tomorrow. A man is concerned not only about his future, but also the future of the woman he’s dating. When conversations about the future come up, he doesn’t run away from them out of fear or intimidation. He has dreams and aspirations, and these goals include you.