Being graceful is not exactly on your radar as you fight to keep a lid on your toxic energy and raging anger after a bad breakup. Maybe you fought hard for the relationship and the push and pull of it exhausted you. Whether you’re the one breaking it off, or on the receiving end, the disruption is disturbing. Anytime that we are in trauma, it takes some time to settle. We tend to go on auto-pilot or stuff our emotions to help dispense the pain. This is a natural progression after a breakup. When we feel pain from a loss, allowing ourselves time to grieve is one of the most important steps in the healing process. As we come to grips with this, we may also realize that there is Facebook to contend with, a social media place for sharing life’s important moments, which included your dates and other milestones. Although you want to heave at the thought of dealing with this, we need to gather strength. It is not a simple transition, but here are ways you can keep your poise on Facebook after a bitter breakup.
Adjust your settings.Facebook gives you options on how to manage former partners after the relationship is over. According to Facebook, they were inundated with requests to overcome this hurdle, so in 2015 they gave people an option. When people changed their relationship status they would be prompted to see less of that person in their feed or in their updates. "Their posts won’t show up in news need and their name won’t be suggested when people write a new message or tag friends in photos," the company reported. The past is painful and you don't need to be reminded of your ex daily when you log on.
Allow yourself to grieve.Find healthy ways to deal with your emotions that are not on Facebook. Talk with friends, write in a journal, see a counselor, pray or take a trip to help the healing process instead of turning to Facebook to affirm you and to keep you going. "There are so many emotions involved in a breakup — anger, sadness, loneliness, feelings of rejection and uncertainty about the future — and it’s essential to confront them head-on," the Huffington Post shared.
Give yourself healthy distractions.Regeneration is an important part of overcoming a breakup. Experts believe that people need to be around supportive friends and family to help them get through. However, it is easy to rely on them to over analyze why the relationship ended. "While some processing is important and healthy, avoid endlessly revisiting the past and rehashing old wounds. If you pay attention to only mud on the ground after a storm," Psychology Today offered. Creating a busy social life in the real world will force you to neglect social media and give you a break as well. Experiment with a hobby or pick up the one you left behind when your relationship started. Do something else that is not social media related and do what you love to do.
Don't use Facebook as your therapist.You don't need to be on Facebook venting about your feelings every day or hour! The platform is not a place to get guidance from a heartache, but it may gain you negative attention. As great as social media can be, it also can be a place where things can get ugly between people, especially when people part ways. Social media in general "exacerbates anxiousness and inadequacy, feelings you are likely to have during a breakup. Like any double-edged sword, healthy use is the only way to reap the benefits without succumbing to the negative effects," talkspace.com pointed out. If you need to talk, find a person to confide in or a therapist, as Facebook will not be able to help you find peace.
Reshift your focus.If you both shared friends and family are involved, this can make the time even more depressing. Until you can deal with this, refocus your attention on the good things. Think of this time as being an emotional bruise and not your happiness ending forever. Create a mental list of the things that make you happy and start doing them. Make them small goals, like spending time in nature or buying a new pet. Psychology Today added that things don’t disappear on their own, unfortunately. You need to make the decision and a commitment to deal with the pain and then let it go. "If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this past hurt." There is no need to rush yourself now. But keep a timer on how long you are going to allow the breakup to devastate you.
Set your boundaries.
This includes putting the breaks on friends, family, co-workers and others, who can be draining at this time. In order for you to heal, boundaries are needed. This is especially true for Facebook as people might want to inbox you on what is going on or try to get involved in your business. Start choosing your welling-being over the pressure to cave in and refrain from being sucked into the drama. The reason is, it is nobody's business unless you choose to make it their business. The purpose of boundaries is to protect your mental health and your sanity.
Having Facebook involved in your breakup is a slippery slope as it seems like everyone is watching! Yet, with a little self-control, resilience and healing you can be poised to reenter social media with little regrets.