Dating with Children: 5 Questions To Ask Yourself

Dating With Children

Dating is often tough, complex and difficult to navigate! Throw children into the picture and suddenly things get much harder! Whether you’re a parent who is looking to start dating again, or you’re considering dating someone who has children, there are several important things to consider when it comes to relationships involving kids. The editors at Faith.com, a new lifestyle site devoted to filling daily life with grace and inspiration, have five questions for parents, and those looking to date a parent, to ask of themselves before jumping into a relationship.

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Are My Children Ready for Me to Date Again?

Children will naturally feel confusion and anxiety when their parent begins to date again for the first time. For their entire lives, their parents have been a couple; they’ve never seen you with anyone else and for this reason may still be holding on to a reunion fantasy where you and your ex reunite. Ask yourself if your kids have had enough time to heal, and have begun to see you and your ex as separate people.

If you are considering dating someone with children, ask the parent directly whether or not they believe their kids are truly ready to see them with you. This is the first and most important question you can ask yourself if you are considering dating someone with children.

How Should I Talk to My Kids About Dating?

Kids demand honesty. They are mature, intelligent and insightful little beings who never cease to impress us with their knowledge and awareness. For this reason, you need to be completely honest and open with them as you consider entering the dating scene. Talk with them about your plans and let them share their feelings on the topic. This is your chance to share your hopes and dreams for yourself, and for your kids! Let them share their hopes and dreams as well. If they seem hesitant about the idea of you dating, give them a chance to express why. Through talking, they may even realize they’re actually more comfortable with the idea of you dating than they first thought.

If you’re interested in dating a parent, ask them to have this conversation with their children before the two of you get serious. You may regret skipping this conversation as the children involved in your potential relationship will likely be less than excited (to put it nicely) to meet you if they you are not prepared.

When Should I Introduce My Kids to My Date?

This one will take some time, and every situation will demand its own unique answer. Most children are going to feel a little resentful when their parent begins dating again. If you’re going to introduce your children to your new matches early on, make sure you don’t force a relationship between your kids and your new love interest. Let them get to know each other naturally.

If you feel more comfortable waiting until you are in a serious relationship to introduce your children to your new partner, you should still communicate with your children about this new romantic interest, even before they first meet. You don’t want your kids to feel like you are hiding anything, or that you have been lying to them about dating someone new.

Either way, ask yourself what is best for you, or your date’s children, and be prepared to wait if necessary!

Can I Step Back (or Up) at Times?

When you date someone with children, you naturally spend a lot of time with both your partner and their kids. Hopefully you will think your partner is a great parent, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will always agree with their parenting style. When you find yourself in a frustrating situation because you don’t agree with their actions, can you let go and allow that person to ultimately make the decision that’s right for their children? If you can’t, you should rethink the relationship.

If you’re a parent who is considering dating someone new for the first time, be prepared to step up and ask that person to let you handle the parenting and disciplinary role. It is important for your children to respect and be kind to your date, but it is also important that your children don’t feel like this new person is trying to play the role of mommy or daddy. It won’t be helpful to anyone in the relationship.

How Will I Handle a Breakup in Front of My Kids?

It’s important for your children to see you in a healthy, committed relationship. They are watching how you interact in romantic relationships and will likely (unknowingly) copy your behavior. For that reason, you should only date other people who will treat you with kindness, care and respect. (ChristianMingle.com is a great place to look for a partner that meets these characteristics.) That way, if you do have to deal with a breakup in front of your children, it will hopefully go as smoothly as a breakup can possible go.

If you’re considering dating someone with children, be aware of what that will mean for their kids if you were to break up. Are you the kind of person who would take their kids to play basketball in the park? Or could you see yourself inviting the children to your place for a movie night every Friday night? If the kids get used to this kind of behavior and then it suddenly disappears when the relationship dissolves, it will be jarring for them. Ask yourself how far you’re willing to go to date a parent and use your answer to guide whether or not you should actually date that person.