6 Ways to Avoid First Date Awkwardness

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Everyone has been on a terrible first date. You sit there across from your date and struggle to find absolutely anything to talk about with them. You find that you two do not actually share any similar interests. They refuse to answer your questions with more than single word answers, or they talk for 15 minutes about things that are wildly inconsequential and downright boring. Otherwise, you find that you two disagree on just about everything under the sun, and not in the way that leads to your friends smirking about how opposites attract. Instead, it is the kind of opposites that lead to you both glaring in opposite directions. Even when you truly enjoy your date’s company, there are times when first dates are just downright uncomfortable. There are long awkward pauses that neither of you are sure how to fill. One of you makes a somewhat self-depreciating comment with a grin, and you are unsure whether or not you are supposed to laugh at what might be a joke or reassure them that you like them just the way they are now. Thankfully, there are some things you can do to cut down on the likelihood of the silence stretching on painfully. Here are six ways to avoid first date awkwardness as much as anyone can do so.

Research Them

No, this does not give you permission to stalk them on every social media platform known to man or go hunt down their high school prom pictures. A little research before the big day, however, can go a long way. Scroll through their Instagram posts over the last week, scan their story on SnapChat or see what pages they liked on Facebook. What sort of trends do their interests follow? Do they post a lot of pictures of food? Have they liked every Star Wars fan page known to man? Are most of their snaps taken when they are holding a bow, surfboard or equipment for other outdoor activities, or does every picture have the same brown dog in it? This can give you some things to talk about when the conversation naturally reaches a lull. If they have lots of pictures of food, ask if they like to cook. If every post involves dogs, ask if they have any pets. Social media is a great way to find potential topics of conversation.

Limit the Phone Usage

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On the day of your date, limit the number of texts and messages you exchange. You can beg off with an excuse of being busy if need be, but try to avoid too much chatting unless you are going on a first date with a longtime friend with whom you have never had trouble making conversation. It can be tempting to text all day as you get excited about the date, but by limited how many messages you send, you will not run out of things to talk about before you ever get to your date. There is also some truth to the idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder. After a slight slump in messaging, your date will be even more excited to see you in person.

Once you start your date, keep your phone in your pocket. If you pull out your phone whenever the conversation lulls, you will never start talking again. Besides, ignoring the person you claim to be interested in dating in favor of your phone will just about guarantee that there will be no second date. After all, they clearly did not hold your interest.

Do Something Specific Together

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When you go on a first date, you are usually worried about long awkward silences and fumbling attempts to find a new topic of conversation. In order to lessen the likelihood of conversational flailing, choose a first date that does not rely entirely on conversation for enjoyment. Go to an event or do an activity together. If you and your date go to an amusement park, there will be plenty of time to chat while you are waiting in line or walking from one ride to another, but you will not be reliant on your conversational skills to have a good time. You will still be able to enjoy the roller coasters, games and overpriced popcorn even if your date turns out to be about as interesting to talk to as the average office chair. Similarly, if your first date involves learning to surf, you will have time to talk before and after lessons if you want or you can skedaddle as soon as lessons are over if you find out that your date’s greatest talent is pushing every button you possess.

Activity Before Conversation

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If you are planning to do two things on a date, such as dinner and a movie, do the activity before the portion of your date that relies more on conversation. In the classic case of dinner and a movie, watch the movie before you eat dinner. That way, you have a ready-made topic of conversation while you eat. You can discuss what you liked or disliked about the movie, what you would have changed and what you thought about the casting. Similarly, if you are planning to take a class together, do that and then get lunch afterward. Doing the reverse makes it more likely you will have to deal with awkward silences since the activity serves as both a wealth of conversational topics and an ice breaker. On the other hand, if you spend dinner eating in awkward silence and then try to go to the movie, you are less likely to relax and enjoy the movie when you are still mentally cringing at how uncomfortable your meal was.

Invest in the Conversation

Most people hate small talk. They see it as a painful social duty that they are required to undertake before they can get to more interesting topics. They do not actually want to hear about your week at work since they assume nothing terribly interesting happened and that you probably do not want to talk about it either. That said, they feel that they are socially obligated to start out with such inquiries instead of launching straight into a more serious discussion. Stop treating small talk as a necessary evil. Instead of seeing it as a rote duty, use it as a springboard. You never know what someone might reveal in their answers.

Even if you cannot bring yourself to enjoy small talk in the slightest, find some way to stay invested in the conversation. People notice when you are simply going through the motions and are far more likely to shut down because they can tell you are not interested. After all, if you are clearly bored talking with them, why would you expect them to trust you with their innermost thoughts?

Have an Excuse Prepared

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Sometimes first dates are just unpleasant, and nothing you do seems to ease the awkwardness. Your date is determined to give you one word answers no matter how hard you try to get a conversation off the ground. On the other hand, your date might be willing to talk incessantly, but every word that comes out of their mouth proves that you two are completely incompatible. You do not want to be rude and leave suddenly, but you are absolutely miserable. In order to avoid this situation, have an excuse prepared at the beginning of your date for why you will need to leave at a certain time or potentially head out early. If the date is a disaster, your date was already put on notice that you would have to leave and so you do not seem rude. If you are having a great time, you can simply stay past your deadline. Having an excuse prepared gives you the flexibility you need to relax and enjoy yourself as much as possible.