Man and woman on a date with coffee

First dates can be nerve wracking. If you’ve been single for a while, you may be anxious. You also may be having a difficult time adapting to getting back into the dating world. Sometimes it’s hard to open up to someone because you don’t know them or trust them yet, which makes asking personal questions pretty difficult. When we aren’t afraid to ask certain questions, we have the opportunity to learn so much about the person sitting in front of us. On the flip side, if we don’t ask important questions and get to know the person on date one, it really makes the idea of a second date difficult. You need to know who you’d be preparing to invest your time in. It’s also important that you know if they are emotionally available and if they are truly ready to be involved with someone again. If these things don’t seem to be lining up, you may be headed for trouble. Here are six simple reasons you didn’t get a second date.

No Chemistry

On the first date, you should learn what your date likes to do in their spare time, what they are passionate about and what they value. If you’re going to date someone, it’s important that you know what matters to them and that they also know what matters to you. Is their answer related to their job or their favorite hobby? Whatever their answer is will become a frequent part of your life if you begin a relationship with them. If they have trouble answering this question, they may be really bad at communication or the chemistry just might not be there. This may also indicate that they haven’t channeled their passion yet or that they lack the motivation to which is also not the best sign if you’re thinking about dating them.

You’re Not Looking For the Same Things

Are they looking for something casual and short-term, or are they looking for a long-term, committed relationship? It’s important that you determine what they are looking for before you invest yourself emotionally. It’s also important that you’re clear about what you’re looking for, so that you don’t mislead them or ignore your own needs. What’s the point in getting invested in someone if they aren’t looking for the same things you’re looking for in a relationship? Remember, not everyone in the dating world is looking for the same things you are so if you’re looking for love, make sure they are looking for the same thing. If you discover they’re not interested in the same thing you’re interested in and vice versa, a second date just doesn’t make sense.

Too Soon

How long ago was their last relationship? This question will open the door to a number of other imperative questions: Was their last break up a few years ago, a few months ago, or a few days ago? Are they currently dating other people? Are they open to dating right now? These answers may reveal they are still in love with their ex and they aren’t emotionally available yet. The answer may also reveal that they have moved on and are willing to invest in the love again. If you know where their heart is, you can better predict the outcome. If throughout the date, all they keep bringing up is their ex and how they wish things had gone differently, the date had red flag written all over it. They probably still need time to heal.

Bad Communication

Did you feel comfortable talking to your date? Was their instant chemistry? Did you feel like the conversation was effortless? Effective communication is everything in a relationship so if you can’t even communicate well on the first date, there may be no point in trying at a second date. In an unhealthy relationship, there’s generally at least one person who feels like they can’t speak freely or has to compromise a part of themselves in order to make things work. If you’re not comfortable communicating with the person you’re on a date with or you don’t feel like they get you, that’s a sign that the two of you may not be a match. That’s ok. There just may not be a second date in your future.

They Don’t Open Up

If you ask the person on the date, “what’s something I should know about you?” and they have issues answering this question, that’s a big red flag. Maybe they’re shy or maybe they don’t want to open up too much just yet. This question is particularly revealing because it gives you a glimpse of who they really are. During the first date, both parties are often more willing to be open as they get to know each other so if they’re not, it’s only normal to wonder why. You should start by asking them to reveal something that they may not reveal otherwise. Often times, they will give you hints at who they are with their body language and remarks they make during the date. This is a chance to find answers that will reveal the most about your chances of moving forward. It’s better that you know these answers early on before you get too invested. If they weren’t able to answer them or vice versa, a second date just doesn’t make sense.

You Guys Are Not Looking For the Same Thing in a Partner

What are his or her ideal attributes? Are they looking for maturity, openness, honesty, integrity, respect, success or empathy? This question is important, not only because it reveals what they desire in someone, but because this will often mirror their own qualities. If trust is important to them in a partner, most likely they will be a trustworthy partner. Many of these qualities won’t be apparent to us when we first meet someone, but asking this question will help you get a better understanding of what they are looking for and if you match up. If they are looking for something particular in a partner and what you’re saying or doing doesn’t align with this vision, the second date may not be in the cards.

When you get back into the dating game, it’s so important that you get to know what they’ve experienced, what’s important to them and how important it is to them. These six things will reveal layers of their truth and help you or the person you’re on a date with discover if this relationship is truly worth investing time in. There’s no need to waste your time if they are not in line with what you’re looking for or if they are emotionally unavailable.


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