6 Modern Dating Terms You've Probably Never Heard Of

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No more Netflix & chill, bae. Let’s DTR. You ghosting me?

Did any of the above make sense to you? If not, you may be in need of a lesson in modern dating terms. Language is a tricky thing, but when it comes to romance, communication is the key to success. Without the ability to understand and be understood, you may be missing out on some great opportunities with your crush.

A lot has changed in the past few years, and if you’re just now returning to the dating scene after a long break—or even if you just haven’t bothered keeping up with the rapidly changing vocabulary of love—you may end up bewildered at the slew of new terms that are being thrown around. The rise of dating sites and social media has pushed dating slang to evolve—now, it’s time for you to evolve with it.

When it comes to embarrassing moments, not much tops having someone accuse you of breadcrumbing and having no idea how to respond because you don’t know what they even mean.

To help you avoid embarrassment, missed connections, and bad communication, let’s take a look at 6 modern dating terms that you’ve probably never heard of. Read on, and you’ll be up-to-date on the latest language of love.

Breadcrumbing

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Breadcrumbing refers to an unfortunately familiar psychological technique that you’ve probably experienced at least once in your life.

Remember the story of Hansel and Gretel, and of how they left a trail of bread crumbs to help them find their way home when venturing into a darkened forest? Well, when someone leaves a trail of emotional breadcrumbs, stringing you along with just enough contact to keep you hoping for more, they’re breadcrumbing.

This person is putting minimum effort into their relationship with you—probably in order to keep their options open. They’ve gotten to know just how long you can go without a call, text, or visit, and they space out their contact as much as possible.

This is more possible than ever in our age of social media—with a simple flick of the thumb, you can send a couple heart emojis a week and keep someone hoping things will get closer, hotter, or better, all without intending to ever let that happen.

So, if someone accuses you of breadcrumbing, now you know how to respond. And if you catch someone stringing you along, you’ll know just the term to use.

Tuning

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You’ve probably had a major, major crush on someone at some point in your life. Before the advent of social media, you might have gone out of your way to occasionally be at the places where they hang out. But now, it’s easier than ever to obsessively lurk—and like—among your alluring crush’s Facebook posts, Instagram photos, Tweets, and more.

When you basically like, heart, and comment on everything your crush posts online in an attempt to get him or her to notice and like you, that’s called tuning.

This is usually what the beginning of a relationship looks like now—it’s a like-fest. In effect, you’re “tuning” in to your crush’s life, inserting yourself into every part of their online presence in order to make them see how much you care, all without the risk and vulnerability of telling them how you feel in person.

You know, because relentless stalking that’s what makes people love you, right?

Right?

Bae

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If you’re alive, you’ve heard someone use the term “bae.” And if you’re not alive, you probably shouldn’t be dating.

Questions of mortality aside, bae is essential reading for anyone wanting to make contact with the outside world right now.

Basically, bae is an acronym that’s used to refer to your boyfriend or girlfriend, or even just a crush or other important person in your life. Although the origins of the word are murky, it’s thought to stand for “before anyone else,” and it’s also likely that this word is just a shortened form of the classic “baby.”

To use “bae” in a sentence, just use it to replace your lover’s name, usually without adding the word “my.” So, for example, instead of saying, “I’m hanging out with Kelly tonight,” you’d simply say “I’m hanging out with bae tonight,” thereby saving yourself a whopping .032 seconds of speech time.

Up until the past couple of years, this word was largely confined to text, but since then, for better or for worse, it has crept into spoken language, as well.

And just in case you’re wondering, it’s pronounced the same as “bay.”

DTR

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If you hear this word, you know things are getting serious. If you’ve been with your bae for a few months, but you think they might be breadcrumbing you, it’s time to DTR: define the relationship.

If you want to define the relationship, that means you want to discuss you and your lover’s mutual understanding of the relationship. If your partner requests a little DTRing, it means that they’re confused about what, exactly, the two of you are, and they want some concrete answers.

This term has arisen out of necessity—it’s all too easy to enter into a mess of very casual relationships without ever defining what anything means. This is frustrating for people who are a little more serious about dating—some rightfully want to know where things are heading so that they can plan for the rest of their lives.

If you’re one of those people, prepare to have to bring up DTRing at some point—it’s often the only way to really get what you want out of a relationship.

Ghosting

No—this doesn’t mean haunting your ex like you promised you would. Ghosting is something very real, and little heartbreaking.

Remember that bae we talked about in the last slide? The one who was breadcrumbing you? Well, if he or she suddenly cuts off all communication in all its forms, ignoring you completely, you’ve just been ghosted.

Social media and dating sites give us way too many options when it comes to dating. Open up an app, and an entire city full of eager guys and girls is at your fingertips. Finding someone new is that easy.

And so it’s incredibly easy to simply cease communication with a lover you’re not that into and move on to “greener pastures.” Unfortunately, this has led to an epidemic of ghosting. And worst of all, sometimes there’s simply no warning before that crush of yours disappears into the ether. They may still occasionally like a status of yours, but they’ll never respond again.

Ghosting is one of the more painful aspects of modern dating, but remember—if someone ghosts you, they weren’t worth your time anyway. Don’t them your mental real estate.

Zombie-ing

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Also called “haunting,” zombie-ing usually comes after a long period of being ghosted. This is when someone rises from the graveyard of past dates, returning from their ghostly state to suddenly start liking and commenting on your social media accounts, just to make sure you remember that they exist.

People do this for a variety of reasons. Maybe they’re intending on breadcrumbing you just in case their current relationship doesn’t work out. Perhaps they’re lonely.Or maybe they’re controlling, and can’t let go of the relationship. Maybe they even realize they made a mistake, and are misguidedly trying to help you feel better about being ghosted all those months ago.

Whatever. Just like you’d run from a zombie, run from this person. Zombie-ing can seriously mess with your love life by dredging up old feelings and leaving you confused.

When someone you once loved is looking at your LinkedIn profile, liking your newest Facebook profile photo, or retweeting your Tweets, it might be time to just block them. Zombies universally stink, so avoid people who display this behavior.