Women were considered a husband's helpmate, a sidekick and a person who couldn't get a line of credit. They couldn't get a college education, serve on a jury, get a divorce, own property and were paid less than men for doing the same job. It was unthinkable for women to be independent in the home, work or in their love lives. Now, women are business leaders, politicians, entrepreneurs and can pave their own way through life without a man to carry them. With all the progress that women have made in their personal lives and in their professional lives, it came with a price. Well-intended mothers taught daughters as young girls they didn't need a man to make them happy or succeed. This is where the scales tipped and everything became unbalanced. Today women are discovering that this independence could be undermining their chances at finding love. Is this happening to you? Here are 6 tips to help you on the journey with the hopes that you will strike the right balance.
Stop being so distant.According to Zoosk, more women are making the first move in a relationship. An estimated 94 percent of men said they like it when a "Woman makes the first move when they're out at a bar or in a social setting and 96 percent of men said they prefer it when a woman messages them first while online dating." Despite these statistics, many men believe that people like yourself are uncaring. You might not be aware of doing this, but since you don't want to appear too clingy, it comes off as being distant. Soften up a little bit. It's okay to be yourself, to not keep the guard up all the time and to show you generally care. You might not be this way, but your body communication could be saying something different.
Cut back on your time alone time.Look, we all want time to be alone to refuel and you had a productive life before dating, but when you're in a relationship, you need to invest in the other person. Independent people are used to moving at their own pace, schedule and are accustomed to being alone, so they fill up their time with all sorts of things to do. Be intentional about spending time with each other as opposed to spending too much time alone. This is important in the beginning of the relationship because it generates a sound base.
It's okay to allow them to be gentlemen.You like doing things for yourself and this includes paying and opening the doors solo. When a guy does this, it's easy to reach over and let him know you can handle it. The same thing goes for paying for yourself. If he wants to pay, allow him to do it. We went to extremes as some women believed allowing a guy to do anything for them will cripple women's rights. You're not losing your womanhood or anything else to a guy in this case. Besides, isn't it time for you to be treated with class?
You don't need to make all the decisions.This tip is going to be a doozy to get over and will take some time, but you're a super independent gal and can master it. Firstly, this struggle is no fault of your own because you've been single for awhile. Even, if you're already in the game, it's tough for an independent person to allow someone to make the choices on where to eat, what movies to see or when to meet up. You get a pass on this for awhile. But remember, in order to be prosperous together, you need to make decisions collectively even with the small things.
Start working on your communication skills.Communication can be a problem with super independent people as they are used to doing things when they want to and don't think to verbalize their intentions. Make an effort to communicate when you're going to be late, won't be able to meet up for dinner or how you feel about an idea. Explain to him that you're not used to communicating in a healthy manner and are not playing games. Author and independent woman Kim Quindlen shared: "Not because she thinks she’s better than you or because she is too good for games. She just finds playing games to be boring and a waste of time." We all have our own identities but let’s not overlook that you need to communicate to keep the lines open in a relationship. If not, people will make assumptions that are inaccurate and this can lead to hurt feelings and arguments.
Make him feel wanted.We all need to feel wanted and loved. Again, it's okay to show emotion and to show that you care. Be affectionate, playful, flirtatious and complimentary. Text him during the day, but not excessive and support his career and goals. By making affection more prevalent, you're planting seeds into the relationship for the future. The super independent you, might not want to overextend the affection. But give her a shove and show your man that you care. There is nothing wrong with a little romance, right? Look at it from another way. Don't you want to feel desired too?
There is nothing wrong with being laser-focused to reach goals in life, but there is always a price to pay in your relationships when things are out of balance. If that describes you, there is hope as anyone can soften their stance, learn to communicate more efficiently and can show their man affection. The cool thing is once you can navigate this, and you find the right equilibrium, you can still have your independence and love too.