No relationship is perfect, of course. Relationships have plenty of ups and downs, and it’s normal for you and your partner to occasionally disagree on things, especially after one of you has had a tough day. The problem starts when disagreements are poorly handled, as this causes both partners to become stressed, resulting in even more arguments. If you think you and your partner are fighting too much, don’t worry. Your relationship might feel unhealthy right now, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Here are some tips on bringing and keeping the peace in your relationship.
Do what you need to do for yourself.
Everyone has personal needs, whether going to the gym after work or taking some alone time on Saturday morning. If someone asks you to do something and your instinct is to honor your own need, do that. I’m not saying you can’t make sacrifices sometimes, but it’s essential to make a habit of taking care of yourself.
Someone once told said that people are like glasses of water. If we don’t do what we must do to keep our glass full, we’ll need to take it from someone else, which leaves them half full. Fill your glass so you can feel whole and complete in your relationships.
Give people the benefit of the doubt.
It’s tempting to doubt people, to assume your boyfriend meant to hurt you by not inviting you out with his friends, or your friend meant to make you feel inadequate by flaunting her money. People who care about you want you to feel happy, even if sometimes they get too wrapped up in their problems to show it well.
Sometimes they may be hurtful and mean it. Still, that won’t be the norm. It will likely be when they’re hurting and don’t know what to do with it. Odds are they’ll feel bad and apologize later. If you want to get goodwill, share it by seeing the best in the people you love. When we assume the best, we often inspire it.
Look at yourself for the problem first.
When you feel unhappy with yourself, it’s easy to find something wrong in a relationship. If you blame another person for what you’re feeling, the solution is on them. However, this is faulty logic. For starters, it gives them all the control. Secondly, it usually doesn’t solve the problem since you didn’t address the root cause.
Next time you feel the need to blame someone for your feelings, something they did or should have done, ask yourself if there’s something else going on. You may find something is underlying: something you did or should have done for yourself. Take responsibility for the problem, and you have the power to create a solution.
Be mindful of projecting.
In psychology, projecting refers to denying your traits and then crediting them to the outside world or other people. For example, if you’re not a loyal and trusting friend, you may assume your friends are all out to get you. It’s a defense mechanism that allows you to avoid the discomfort of acknowledging your weaknesses. There’s no faster way to put a rift in your
This comes back down to self-awareness, and it’s hard work. Acknowledging your flaws isn’t fun, but if you don’t, you’ll continue seeing them in everyone around you, and you’ll continue to hurt. Next time you see something negative in someone else, ask yourself if it’s true for you. It might not be, but identifying it can help create peace in that relationship if it is.
Choose your battles.
Everyone knows someone who makes everything a fight. If you question them about something, you can expect an argument. You’ll probably get yelled at if you comment on something they did. Even a compliment could create a confrontation. Some people like to fight, maybe to channel negativity they’re carrying around about the world or themselves.
On the one hand, you have to tell people when something is bothering you. That’s the only way to address problems. On the other hand, you don’t have to let everything bother you. When you’re not sure if you need to address something, ask yourself, “Does this matter in the grand scheme of things?"
Confront compassionately and clearly.
When you attack someone, their instinct is to get defensive, which gets you nowhere. You end up having a loud conversation where two people do their best to prove they’re right and the other one is wrong. It’s rarely that black and white. It’s more likely you both have points, but you’re both too stubborn to meet in the middle.
If you approach someone with compassion, you will likely open their heart and mind. Show them you understand where they’re coming from, and they may be more willing to see your side. That gives you a chance to express yourself and your expectations clearly. And when you let people know what you need at the right time in the right way, they’re more likely to give that to you.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
There are all kinds of ways you can feel vulnerable in relationships: When you express your feelings for someone else, when you’re honest about yourself or your past. When you admit, you made a mistake. We don’t always do these things because we want to maintain a sense of power.
Power allows us a superficial sense of control, whereas true, vulnerable being allows us a sense of authenticity. That’s love: being your true self and allowing someone else to do the same without letting fear and judgment tear it down. It’s like Jimi Hendrix said, “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.
Think before acting on emotion.
This part can be challenging for anyone. As soon as you feel hurt, frustrated, or angry, you want to do something with it, which is always a bad idea. Your initial emotional reaction does not always reflect how I feel about something. Initially, you might feel scared or angry, but you often realize you overreacted once you calm down and think things through.
When you feel a strong emotion, try to sit it for a while. Don’t use it or run from it—feel it. When you learn to observe your feelings before acting on them, you minimize the negativity you create in two ways. First, you process, analyze, and deal with feelings before putting them on someone else; and you communicate in a way that inspires them to stay open instead of shutting down.
When people get close, boundaries can get fuzzy. In a relationship without limitations, you let the other person manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. You act out of guilt instead of honoring your needs. You let someone offend you without telling them how you feel about it. The best way to ensure people treat you how you want to be treated is to teach them.
That means you have to love and respect yourself enough to acknowledge what you need and speak up. The only way to truly have loving relationships is to start with a loving relationship with yourself.
Enjoy their company more than their approval.
When you desperately need someone’s approval, your relationship becomes all about what they do for you—how often they stroke your ego, how well they bring you up when you feel down, how well they mitigate your negative feelings. This is draining for another person, and it creates an unbalanced relationship.
If you notice yourself dwelling on pleasing someone else or getting their approval, realize you’re creating that need. Instead of focusing on what you can get from that person, focus on enjoying yourselves together. Often the best thing you can do for yourself and someone else is let go and permit yourself to smile.
Peace is essential for the success of any relationship. It is easy to break negative patterns and thought processes so that you and your partner can have a happy and peaceful relationship. After all, relationships may be challenging, but they are also very rewarding. Everyone prefers a night of TV and cuddles over fighting and shouting. If you want to bring and keep peace in your relationship, these tips will be a great help.