Once you’ve accepted responsibility, the next step is to simply be open to your spouse.
This means, most of all, being honest. Your spouse is going to have a million questions about who, why, where, when, and more. Don’t shut down when this happens, and above all, don’t lie—this is your chance to come clean.
It’s difficult to open up about something you feel shame about—that’s natural. But remember that your spouse’s trust is at an all-time low right now. If you’re evasive or dishonest, they’re gone.
This means that you’re going to have to answer some uncomfortable questions. Answer them, and don't be afraid to show your humanity. Allow your sincere love, remorse, and concern to show. Be emotionally vulnerable—this is what your partner will be looking for.
They want to know you still care, so show them by being open.
This can feel almost impossible, but there’s one, all-important key to being able to get past the shame and guilt so that you can be vulnerable: forgiving yourself. While still holding yourself rightfully accountable for your actions, release your feelings of self-loathing. After all, your spouse is giving you a chance, right?
But if you’re having some serious trouble taking your focus off yourself and putting it onto your spouse, you might need a little help, as we’re about to see.