The pursuit of marriage. We go on thinking that we have it all figured out. Maybe we are even coasting along. Yes, there were some annoyances here and there--nothing too pernicious. But then, the marriage experienced a shock.This shock is called adultery and it opened doors to dread, outrage, numbness and panic for the victim. If you think you can't be the victim, guess again. It can happen to anybody of any economic class or social class. When Ben Affleck admitted to Jennifer Garner that he had an affair with their nanny, a lot of us were floored. Everything looked so perfect on the outside and they were seemingly the perfect couple.
What happened to this picture perfect couple?
Relationship expert Bree Maresca-Kramer offered insight. They allowed their relationship to become robotic or business-like and "they let go of the intimacy, the passion, the romance and the connection, which is easy to do. It takes work to not do that,” she explained to eHarmony. But sometimes good marriages go bad because the pressure of life, kids and other factors come into play.
Having a divorce is mandatory after an affair happens, correct?
Many people would cheat if they could.According to InfidelityFacts.com, 74 percent of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught. Women didn't do much better as 68 percent of said that they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught. The foundation found that those who did cheat on their spouse had affairs that averaged 2 years.
Why people cheat.One of the biggest reasons for cheating is a lack of emotional connection. Most the issues start when there is a lack of connection and couples stop trying. It soon becomes more of a roommate situation than a romantic relationship. Another reason people cheat is because of a lack of sex. They let go of the romance, the passion and the intimacy of the marriage disintegrates. "There is also spousal neglect, which basically means they don’t make each other a priority," Kramer said.
Men detect infidelity better than women.Men are statistically better than women at identifying infidelity! Experts believe that this comes from insecurity. "Throw in unhealthy doses of jealousy and suspicion, and men are almost assured of being better cheating-detectors," Askmen.com reported. This has been programmed into their genetic code for thousands of years some experts believe. "It's nothing a handful of decades worth of knowledge about DNA could hope to reverse," the site offered.
Women are more likely to cheat during ovulation.You can't make this stuff up. A UCLA and the University of New Mexico study examined 43 ovulating women who were are more likely to fantasize about men other than their husbands. A woman may dress sexier and become even more provocative during her cycle. The desire to cheat has evolved in women, co-author Elizabeth Pillsworth found. "Whether they translate into unfaithful behaviors is a matter of their own choosing. Cheating is a choice." In evolutionary terms, it makes sense as it is a way to reproduce the species. "We're claiming the desire to cheat is what evolved in women, that they may notice they have these desires at a certain point in their cycle," Pillsworth concluded.
More people cheat in the summer.Infidelity increases during June, July, and August. Why? There are more opportunities to cheat in the summer. Business trips to warm weather locations and people tend to be a better mood when becomes warmer. There is also an uptick in social activities where people are out mingling more. “It’s easier for cheating husbands and boyfriends to initiate a quick fling, or a short-term love affair because summer offers more opportunities to stray," the Examiner reported. We are not advocating that anyone cheats in the summer or at all here. People are going to cheat if they are resolute to do so no matter what the season is.
People with certain personalities cheat.People who come from broken homes, are depressed or suffer from bipolar disorder may cheat. If your partner loves drama and excitement, they may be attracted to cheating because of the adrenalin ride. "People who cheat prefer to ride an emotional roller coaster rather than find joy in emotional stability. They get an adrenaline rush from the figurative bumps and bruises that cause strife and turmoil," Self.com summarized. With the emotional and physical needs being important in a relationship, if one person is always unhappy, they may find a way to be happy again. If this means cheating--then they might contemplate it depending on their history.
Some people cheat for revenge.In a relationship that is already suffering or when one person feels hurt by the other--they may cheat on their spouse to get back at them. Cheating retribution will backfire, Psychology Today reported. "You can easily make them feel justified in having their affair, to begin with. Some might even use your actions as an excuse to continue their extra-marital/relationship romance." If you have this on the radar, refrain from doing it. This is just a distraction from the real problems that you are having. A retaliation affair will just add to the dilemma.
"The creation of marriage occurred prior to sin's entrance into the world. It was a part of God's perfect design for mankind," Focus on the Family explained. When adultery comes into play, it destroys the very fabric of marriage and what God designed for us. Adultery does not need to be the end of a relationship if the other person is willing to make reparation. However, you need to absolve as well. The most important thing to remember is that it was not your fault. You may be able to spot the signs beforehand, so you can counter adultery before it is fatal to the marriage.