Men admitted that they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught (74 percent) and women also admitted they would have an affair if they knew that they would never get caught (68 percent)," InfidelityFacts.com found. If you are reading this, there is a high probability that you are toying with the idea or have done the deed and were caught. For the sake of argument, let's assume that you believed that you would never get caught and now, you are busted by your significant other. What can you do? Brace yourself, you might find it really tough. If you want us to sugar coat this, it will be harder for you in the long run, because in order to come out of this with dignity and perhaps keeping your relationship intact, you need to face it. "Your mate is going to first need to process and accept that the affair has happened before any possibility of repairing the damage occurs. Keep in mind that the emotional pain you have inflicted is significant," author John D. Moore, Ph.D. wrote. Where do you begin to make an amends? Well, here are 5 things to consider on your journey back home.
Own your mistake.Yeah, we heard it before, you have a reason to cheat. Relationships are tough and people really can damage each other. Maybe there was an environment for adultery. Perhaps they ignored you and were dismissive. Whatever the problem was you need to face the issues at hand. You probably don't want to be honest right now. However, the best approach is ripping off the Band-Aid. Therapist Michele Weiner-Davis explained to the Huffington Post: "Once you’ve admitted to cheating and you feel ready to move on, your spouse might continue to press you for answers about what happened. Be willing to rehash the details of the affair." Know that this could get ugly, but being honest about your actions is good for both of you.
Show remorse.Showing repentance is imperative. Corinthians 7:10 explained that "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death." Being repentant about your sin towards God and others is necessary to start the healing process. It is true that there is no sin too great that can keep you from the love of God. Confession is a powerful inner healing and cleansing tool to find forgiveness. However, your spouse will be hurt, angry, distant and might tell you that the relationship is over. This is normal as there was a breach of trust. Don't expect them to get over it too easy! Also, don't be shocked if your other relationships suffer, particularly if you have friends as a couple.
End the affair.We hope you know this, but you need to end your affair now. This means agreeing to cut off all contact with this person Moore shared. This means calls, texts and emails and other forms of communication. "If you are required to have contact with the person you have been sleeping with because of work related reasons, it is imperative that you keep all conversations strictly related to business." Start drafting a letter or practice how you will end the affair. No kidding, you need to practice or you might take the chance of getting sucked into the relationship again. Stand your ground and end it. There is no gray area here, either. Tell them that "This is not good for me and it was wrong."
Accept the relationship could be over.You need to face that the relationship could be over with your spouse and it may never recover. "Not every marriage touched by infidelity can or should be saved. Painful as it is, it's important to acknowledge when this is the case," MayoClinic.com, shared. This is tough, but it is a possibility that your relationship will never recover. You just started to unravel a web of lies that could potentially destroy their trust for good. Put it this way. If you feel this broken over the situation, magnify this 100 times for your partner. Even if your marriage does survive the affair, things will never be the same because you will need to start rebuilding the relationship from scratch.
Find help from a professional.
Seek help from a licensed marriage counselor. Finding a therapist could help determine where to begin and what to work on as you start the journey towards recovery. Making this decision will put the affair into perspective, the Mayo Clinic explained. "It will identify issues that might have contributed to the affair, learn how to rebuild and strengthen your relationship, and avoid divorce — if that's the mutual goal." Right now you need neutral territory and an arbitrator. Being at the therapist's office can be a safe place for both of you. If you want to see a spiritual leader, who has training with counseling, this could be an additional option. Seek help individually from people that you trust and by seeing a therapist on your own. If you both want to move forward, understand that this will not be an easy process.
Cheating is never the answer in solving problems within a marriage, but you can't undo the past. Now you need to move forward and take the next steps to resolve the pain. Being caught in an affair forced you to come out of the dark and out from living a double life. Make the choice to experience the freedom from the lies and the deceit. Many people have kept their marriages alive after an affair. You can be a success story by reaching out and facing your mate with sensitivity and with determination.