7 Ways For Christians to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity

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Infidelity can destroy marriages. It is one of the worst things that can happen to your relationship. The betrayal of one partner in a marriage feels like a fatal blow – all the trust you had for your partner dissipates and you begin to wonder if you can ever believe in them again. Adultery violates everything you’ve built with your partner in such a personal way. Love is shattered, trust is destroyed, families are torn apart, and spouses and children bear the pain. Many of us who have been a victim to an adulterous affair did not see it coming. It can blindside you and before you know it, you’re feeling completely helpless. Infidelity can feel like a fatal blow, particularly to trust in your marriage. But even in the midst of this devastation, there is hope. We can reestablish trust in marriage when we trust in God to work through our marriage. Here are seven ways for Christians to rebuild trust after infidelity.

Turn to God

One of the biggest ways for Christians to rebuild trust again after infidelity is to first deepen your trust in God. It’s imperative that you turn to God and trust that he can heal your marriage. Only then can you begin to rebuild trust in your marriage. After an affair attacks a marriage, many individual’s worry about how they can trust their spouse again. Instead of focusing on this, choose to trust God to work in your spouse’s life. Place your trust in the Holy Spirit to work through your spouse. In addition, you should pray for God to rebuild trust by sacrificing anything that could lead to more unfaithfulness. The more time you spend talking with God, the more He will reveal to you.

Make Choices That Are in the Best Interest of Your Relationship

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Some of the decisions you make in your relationship have the power to make or break your relationship. If you want to rebuild trust after marriage, make sure you’re making choices that are in the best interest of your relationship. This means you’re consciously making the effort to better yourself and save your relationship. If you find yourself in a questionable situation, or having thoughts that might take you away from your relationship, you have an important decision to make. Hopefully, you will make the conscious choice to stay on track and do what’s best for your relationship. Ask yourself is this a decision God would be proud of me making? If you don’t, you will find yourself in a heap of trouble time and time again, and before you know it, making a decision that will completely derail your marriage.

Be Open With Your Spouse

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Opening up to a partner can make us feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important ingredient to rebuilding trust after infidelity. For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel that they are needed and appreciated for the support they give. While vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, it’s actually a strength. On top of being vulnerable, it’s important that you’re honest with yourself about your weaknesses. If you’re in a relationship and know that when you go out to the bar with your friends, you get flirty when you drink, don’t let yourself drink enough to get to that point. When you play off your weakness as just harmless things that happen, you’re more likely to easily write off excuses for further indiscretions.

Discuss Boundaries

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Infidelity is devastating and can really destroy trust. In order to rebuild trust after infidelity, it’s imperative that you discuss your boundaries in your marriage. You want to make sure you’re not doing anything that will challenge trust again. How do you define cheating? Does flirting count as cheating? Are you uncomfortable if your partner is very close with members of the opposite sex? If they spend an extended amount of time talking with that friend, do you trust that it’s only a friendship? In order to protect your relationship from infidelity, you should set guidelines for what fidelity in your relationship entails. Make sure you both discuss fidelity. Don’t assume that you and your partner are on the same page about the definition of cheating, even in Christian marriages.

Don’t Keep Secrets

Keeping secrets is what started the infidelity in the first place. Keeping secrets of any kind is the first step towards damaging a relationship that used to be strong. Clearly identify your unmet needs or concerns to your spouse. If you are feeling like love or romance is missing from your relationship, it’s important that you communicate this with your partner too. If you’re passive or quiet about what you’re feeling, it’s easy to start slipping into “I’m going to take care of me” mode. Remember, marriage is about partnership. Also, make sure you’re openly communicating with your partner. Make sure the space is one where you both feel you are being respected and can openly express your thoughts and feelings. You should let them know whatever’s on your mind regarding yourself, your relationship and hopes and dreams for the future. You should also encourage them to do the same. It’s also important that you don’t keep secrets from each other. Keeping secrets about even the smallest things makes it easier to keep the big issues quiet too.

Avoid Temptation

Sin is a big reality in marriages. The last thing you want to do is find yourself alone with the object of your lustful desires. If contact with that person is a must, then make sure it is always in a public space and others are around. Do not place yourself into a corner where further action is possible. You might think you’ll have no problem turning anything down if it shows up, but once you’re already in the situation, it’s incredibly easy to keep going with the flow – a flow that might lead to a mistake that ends your relationship. It’s also a lot easier to fall into this trap when you already feel like there are areas that are lacking in your marriage. Next thing you know, you’re justifying your decision to cheat. Before you find yourself in a tempting situation, it’s best to avoid those situations completely.

Spend Quality Time With Your Partner

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All people have a deep need to be loved, wanted and cared for. A couple’s mutual dependence on each other is associated with happy and healthy marriages. The most successful and happy people are the ones that involve people with solid relationships with their parents, siblings and spouses. Making quality time with your partner is imperative and having date nights are a must. They don’t always have to be over-the-top romantic or overly planned either; just focus on having fun together. Focus on what you love about each other. Focus on trying new things together. Focus on conversation. Focus on getting to know each other in a whole new way. If you find yourself drifting apart emotionally, time to schedule date nights and dive in head first.