6 Simple Misunderstandings That Destroy Modern Marriages

Marriage is truly a wonderful bond. As husband and wife you will see commitment, growth and love in general in an entirely new light. In addition to the unknown of how to do things correctly, there is a tremendous amount of pressure and stereotypical obligations that go hand in hand with marriage. When you get married it’s typically a trial and error ordeal because no one really knows what they’re doing and even though you’ve vowed to spend the rest of your life with this person – no one truly comprehends what eternity really means and the work you’ll have to put in to get there.

Needless to say with marriage comes a great deal of misunderstandings. Obviously these misunderstandings are not at all driven by ill will and are just mistakes that we as human beings tend to make. The obstacle that many people face with misunderstandings is getting over the fact that they happen and actually learning from these errors. The worst thing a couple can do is allow these misunderstandings to pile up and never address these issues when they’re in fruition. Communication is the key and will alleviate any other issues from arising. In addition, learning from our mistakes makes us more conscious individuals that have the ability to cope and solve problems that we will encounter daily for the rest of our lives.

Marriage is a Fairy Tale

Shutterstock.com

Whoever said marriage was supposed to mirror a fairy tale was either not married or lives in a castle somewhere with servants. While the wedding day is a celebration of new beginnings and a life together, it’s important to remember that after the white dress is hung and the rental tuxedo is returned things are not full of glitz and glam. With saying that, when you stood in front of your friends and family and repeated your marriage vows you knew that God would always be by your sides – to guide and nurture your matrimony as husband and wife.

Unlike fairy tales there is not just one obstacle to overcome, there are many. Recognize the lessons that can be learned and find a way to make your life marriage your own version of a fairy tale. Once you live life to your own terms and conditions, you’ll realize that there are so many reasons why a fairy tale rendition of love isn’t really what it’s cracked up to be.

Marriage Should be Easy

A lot of people assume that marriage is easy. Outsiders think since couples are married that they no longer have to worry about anything because they don’t have to date. However that’s the difference, with dating you can call it quits whenever you’re finished and when you’re married you’re tied to this person forever. Married couples are challenged with learning each other through different time periods of each other’s life, all the while they also must keep their relationship alive and fresh. Nonetheless, it’s not at all a piece of cake.

Marriage requires the effort from both individuals. If only one person is contributing to the marriage, then there is a great deal of imbalance that will cause friction between the couple. If you want your marriage to work, you must come to terms with the fact that it’s not going to be easy and be willing to give 110 percent each and every day.

You’ll Instantly Become One

Shutterstock.com

So not true! Marriage will bring you closer because saying vows and living together is an intimate experience. However, if only one of the individuals within the marriage are committed to becoming closer then things will not work. Each spouse must be willing to commit to other. When I refer to commit I don’t just mean physically. A couple must be willing to bat for the other and never give up on the other one. When one person is down, the other person needs to help the other up. It’s true team work and requires a great deal of effort on both parties.

The idea that you’re going to become a unified duo just because you say a few lines is not at all true. Overall the relationship becomes a codependent entity that will become dysfunctional if no effort isn’t put into the relationship equally. Take another vow and commit to never giving up on each other.

You Can Change Your Spouse

Going into a marriage thinking that you can change your spouse is a gigantic mistake! And in reality, why would you want to change your spouse? Never go into a marriage thinking that you are not completely happy with the person you’re marrying. The only person that can change your spouse is your spouse. When you get married, you should accept and appreciate the traits and elements associated with your husband or wife. It’s important to discuss the issues that you may have and during that conversation you can voice your concerns. If your spouse isn’t receptive to your feedback or opinion and the issue at hand is a deal breaker, then you need to seek out counseling or move on.

You’ll find that sometimes if you speak up and voice your concerns with your spouse, they may be very receptive to what you have to say. It’s quite possible that you speaking up could be exactly what your significant other needs to hear – and will ultimately inspire true and much needed change.

A Family Will Make Everything Better

Shutterstock.com

A lot of married couples going through a difficult time believe that having a family will make everything better. Newsflash, it will not! Kids do not make a situation, that’s already hectic, anymore calm. To an outsider, building a family sounds like the perfect white fenced approach – think Leave it to Beaver. However the reality is that it’s not at all as easy as television makes it seem. Not only is there not a manual on how to be married, there’s not a manual to parenting either.

If you’re experiencing a rough spot within your marriage, it’s wise to seek out counseling and get professional feedback. Another option is going to your church and speaking with your ministry. A lot of churches have small groups and mediators that have a lot of experience with assisting married couples. All in all, when you’re going through a difficult spot in your marriage the last thing you need is another person to worry about and have to consider during these trials and tribulations.

Your Social Life Will Stay the Same

Married life proposes a whole different take on being social. Not only do you need to have time together, but you also need to focus on having time apart. It’s important to dedicate time to reconnect with your spouse on a daily basis. Making time for each other is just one way you can build the bond as husband and wife. It’s also a great way to learn about how you can help each other out. With saying that, it’s also important to remember that you need time as individuals. Therefore, your social life will not always consist with you and spouse hanging out with friends – from time-to-time you’re going to need to go out with your friends solo and take a breath of fresh air. You’ll find that a balanced amount of time together and apart will drastically help things within your marriage. Make sure that you talk to your spouse and have an ongoing conversation about your time together and apart.

Marriage Should be Rewarding

shutterstock.com

Marriage is anything but easy. It’s important to recognize that small misunderstandings, that often times take place on a regular basis, can tremendously impact your marriage. Try your best to communicate and convey to your spouse when minor instances upset you. You’ll discover that your spouse probably isn’t even aware of things that they’re doing and will almost always take a course of action to stop doing that specific thing. Even though marriage isn’t simple, it is very rewarding. When you’re able to connect with someone on a totally different level, you’ll feel like a totally different person. Not only will you feel better-rounded, but you’ll also be able to identify every day occurrences on a completely different level. You’ll find that you can have a happily ever after, it just needs to be your own made up version.