6 Really Important Reasons to Rethink Divorce

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Although among Christians, marriage is considered to be a sacred institution that was both created and ordained by God himself (Genesis 2:24-25), there are many published reports which indicate that there is about as much divorce happening within the church as out.

It’s an article within itself why this may be the case: a lack of thorough premarital counseling (Proverbs 24:6), not enough marriage groups and safe places to share after marriage, frustrations with having a “fairy tale perspective” of what marriage is really about rather than embracing the fact that since God’s love was about sacrifice (John 3:16), so should our own; especially when it comes to our spouse. The list goes on.

The Message Version of Luke 6:26 tells us that our task in life is to be true; not popular. And so, just because divorce is just about as common as boyfriends and girlfriends breaking up with one another, that doesn’t make it a truth-based decision. Let’s take a look at how much more serious the constitution of marriage is. Including six really important reasons to rethink divorce.

God Hates Divorce

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I John 4:8&16 tells us that God is love. This means that love is the embodiment of who he is. That’s why it’s so interesting that Malachi 2:16 then tells us that God hates divorce. Not “is uncomfortable” with it or “somewhat dislikes it”. He hates it. There are many reasons why, but one can be found in Matthew 19:8 when Christ says that Moses permitted divorce due to a hardened heart. A hard heart is dangerous for any of us to have. Not only does it speak to there being an unwillingness to forgive (and the Word tells us that we cannot be forgiven by God unless we forgive others - Matthew 6:14-15), but Proverbs 28:14(NKJV) says “Happy is the man who is always reverent, but he who hardens his heart will fall into calamity.” Divorce is not a simple solution to a marital problem. It is a decision that can result in consequences that are far more damaging than couples oftentimes can ever predict. It’s just one reason why God hates divorce so much. It tends to do more harm, even spiritually, than good.

Vow-keeping is Important to God

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When two people stand before one another to recite their wedding vows, there are two things that they must keep in mind. One is that they didn’t vow “until divorce”. What they actually vowed is “until death”. Secondly, marriage vows are not only made to the person standing before them, but to God as well. Ecclesiastes 5:1-7 makes it clear that it’s better to not make a vow to God at all than to make vows to him and then break them. Ecclesiastes 5:2(NKJV) even makes this point: “Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God” and Matthew 5:37(NKJV) complements it by saying “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” God does not consider marriage vows to simply be heartfelt sentiments. He sees them as sober-minded commitments. So, when we say “I will be with you through good and bad until death parts us”, that’s just what he expects us to do. Not only because we promised our spouse, but because we promised him that concerning our spouse.

“Divorced” Does Not Mean “Single”

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So, what about when your spouse commits adultery? Is it OK to divorce them then? There is an article entitled “The Role of Marriage in the Kingdom of God” that you might want to read concerning that very question. For now, the irony is that although many people end their marriage due to unfaithfulness (although God never leaves us for being unfaithful to him), a Scripture in I Corinthians 7:10-11(NKJV) is one that is oftentimes totally overlooked: “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” According to Scripture, words from the Lord himself, a divorced person is not free to marry someone else; they are to either remain unmarried or be reconciled to the person that they did divorce. Otherwise, remarriage (to another person) is an act of adultery: “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9-NKJV) Divorce does not make a person single in the sense of being free to act like their marriage never happened. An act of divorce means they are in a broken covenant until or unless they are willing to reconcile. It’s not something that is taught as much as it should be. It’s biblical nonetheless.

What God has Joined, No One is to Separate

That’s not to say that there aren’t instances when separation is not needed, especially if it’s for the sake of one’s physical protection. But why get a divorce? A divorce provides the impression that one is “free and clear” when it comes to the covenant that they made with their partner. According to Scripture, that is not the case. The Bible tells us that Christ said that what God has joined, no one is to separate. This would certainly include the two people who are within the marriage. Physical separation, for the sake of safety, is one thing. Yet spiritually, a husband and wife are considered “one” until they are parted by death; not until they choose to not honor their commitments any longer.

Love is Patient

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When you read a label on the back of a food container, the first ingredient that you see is what the product has the most of. When it comes to love, we all have to remember that what it has more of than anything else is patience. Patient is not simply about waiting (although we could certainly stand to keep that in mind). Patience is defined as “the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like” and “an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay”. To be patient is also to be “diligent”. There are a lot of brides and grooms who stand before one another and recite the Love Chapter (I Corinthians 13:4-8) on their wedding day. It starts off with “love is patient” which is essentially saying “I am going to deal with annoyance, misfortunate and pain without complaining or losing my temper”, “I am going to suppress my restlessness when delays come” and “I am going to be diligent in what I told God and you I would do in this relationship - even when you’re not.” That’s actually what “love is patient” means.

Divorce Ends Something; Marriage Continues Something

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A video that you might want to watch is “God’s Glory in Marriage.” It is a compilation of three different messages from three different pastors. Something that is stated in it is that marriage is the greatest tool of sanctification. Something else that is shared is marriage teaches you how to become more like Christ. Another point is that adultery is covered in the “for worst” part of the marriage vow. When two people decide to marry one another, they enter into a very unique description of love “…bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (I Corinthians 13:7-8-NKJV) As Christ did for his Church, as Hosea did for Gomer, a huge part of what marriage is about is showing the world that if there’s anyone on the planet that a spouse is going to love in an extraordinary and supernatural kind of way, as proof that God’s love does not fail, it is the person they married on their wedding day. Marriage is a continual teaching tool of how to understand true love. Divorce is a decision that hinders that ability. And that, even on the toughest days, may be one of the biggest reasons to rethink it.