When you hear the word infidelity you probably automatically associate the term with sex. However, there are many other forms of infidelity that occur quite frequently and have nothing to do with sex. According to the researchers behind Truth About Deception, it is estimated that roughly 30 percent to 60 percent of all married individuals in the United States will engage infidelity at some point during their marriage. There are no absolute signs that your significant other is cheating on you, but there are obviously things you can look out for and use as yellow caution flags. Infidelity can happen just about anywhere – the internet, e-mail and even in chat rooms.
Several circumstances can contribute as driving forces towards one’s emotions. Oddly enough, a lot of thought goes into the decision to cheat. Emotional infidelity, in comparison to physical infidelity, can cause just as much and possibly more hurt, pain and suffering. If the unfaithfulness consists of physical and emotional betrayal, then the pain is multiplied. Since so many people associate infidelity with physical contact, it’s important to be educated on the different forms of infidelity that exist in marriage. In many cases a seemingly harmless act can result in a whirlwind of engagement that will ruin lives and create a wedge between couples. When reading keep in mind that every relationship is different and there are no definitive signs that clearly articulate whether or not someone is being unfaithful.
Secrets
Keeping secrets from your spouse is dangerous business. It doesn’t matter if it’s a tiny or large secret, either way it’s a lie – and omission from the truth can cause a couple to live separate lives. Every marriage must be built on a foundation that contains trust. In order for a relationship to truly work, couples must be able to have an undefined amount of trust in their spouse. Ultimately, there should never be any grey areas or reasoning for the other to second guess what is being said. Unless you’re planning a surprise party or a special gift for your significant other, there is no other reason why you should omit something from their knowledge.
Lies are dangerous because most times they are not just one lie, instead most lies tend to spiral out of control which result in a monumental mound of trouble. Even though the truth may hurt, it is much better than having to live and/or cover up a secret. Honesty really is the best policy.
Loyalty
Yes, there’s no secret that Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior should always be your number one. You would not have the blessing of life without his sacrifice. With saying that, your marriage should come before anything after Jesus. Your spouse is your life partner – this is the person that you have chosen to grow old with. Before you had children, you were in love with this person and wanted to begin a family. When you’ve had a bad day at work, your spouse is the one person you can lean on for moral support and strength. Therefore, your loyalty should always lie within your spouse. Having your spouse’s back is crucial. There will be times when you don’t completely agree with your partner’s mindset; however you should always stand by their side and never talk behind their back. You’re supposed to know your spouse better than anyone else and that means you must always be there for them through sickness and in health.
Threatening to Get a Divorce
It’s important to understand and acknowledge that every married couple has disagreements and engages in arguments – it’s absolutely normal and expected. When you stood in front of your friends and family, and took a vow in the presence of God, you said that you would be with this person until death do you part. Live up to your vows! Don’t allow petty arguments to dictate or steer the course of your marriage. Communicate your frustrations to each other and be proactive by seeking out ways you can find a compromise and resolve the situation at hand.
If you mention the ‘D’ word, then your spouse will feel belittled and will get the impression that you really aren’t in the marriage for the long haul. These feelings of isolation will surface other feelings and potentially initiate actions that will lead to a divorce. It’s important to never say things out of anger. When you feel like you’re going to use hurtful words, pause, step back and regroup when you’ve gotten your emotions under control.
Emotional Affairs
For the most part emotional affairs often lead to sexual affairs; nonetheless emotional affairs are a form of infidelity all on their own. Never allow yourself to seek affection and attention from anyone else other than your spouse. Oftentimes emotional affairs occur innocently between two people that share a common interest or have something in common; however, it’s important to draw the line quickly and not allow yourself to get any deeper than friendly conversation. Keep in mind that most people engaging in emotional affairs are often in denial about the amount of effort and engagement that they’re actually participating in.
If you feel like you’re not receiving the affection and attention you need from your spouse, then you should voice that concern. It’s quite possible that your spouse doesn’t even know that they’re neglecting you. Communication is key within any relationship – especially in marriage. If talking between yourself and your spouse isn’t working, then seek out counseling – most churches offer free couple’s counseling and workshops.
Not Being Present
Never allow yourself to be absent from important events and moments within your spouse’s life. Obviously there are going to be some events that you can’t attend because of a work conflict or unperceived circumstances; however your absence shouldn’t be the norm. You took a vow in front of your Lord and Savior and said that you would always stand beside your spouse, no matter what. Honor your vows and be present when your spouse needs you. Show support when they’re down and in need of reinforcements. Being in each other’s life during key moments and events mirrors the idea behind a union. You’ll find that the more times you’re not standing unified, the more opportunities there are for gaps to form in between your relationship. Take your marriage seriously and show up for your partner. And in those times that you’re not able to make it, follow-up and engage. This means you should ask questions about how everything went or how certain situations and/or elements made them feel.
Commemorative Infidelity
This form of infidelity occurs when two people are married, but one or both parties do not have feelings for each other. There is no physical attraction or love associated with this relationship. In this instance one or both individuals feel an obligation to each other because they pledged vows. In many cases, these individuals within this form of infidelity often rationalize their cheating based on the feelings that they don’t possess. It’s important that a marriage isn’t just for appearance sake. A real marriage should include two people that are present and genuinely happy within their marriage. In a marriage you shouldn’t have or feel the need to seek out other people to fulfill relationship needs.
If you’re unhappy within your marriage vocalize this to your spouse. Explain to them that you’re unhappy and get the help that you need to make it work. Communication is an essential element of every marriage and should always be an effort that isn’t unturned.
It's Not Always Easy
Infidelity is not something that is cut in dry. Unfortunately, infidelity is complex and has a lot of components its existence. It’s important to understand that being unfaithful is not something that happens overnight. Getting to the point where you’re willing to be unfaithful is a combination of both emotional and physical needs not being met. If more couples were willing to talk about their problems and uncertainties there would be a decline within infidelity rates and within divorce rates as well. When in doubt, always talk to your spouse and give them the opportunity to mend things and build off of the good times that you have together.
