The last thing any loving husband wants to hear is that their wife has been unfaithful. The truth is, you’ve probably been unfaithful and may not have even realized it. Typically, when we think of cheating, we think of a physical affair; however, being unfaithful can go much deeper than a physical relationship. It isn’t just sleeping with someone other than your spouse. Affairs involve our deepest emotions and before we know it, we are so far gone our marriage can’t recover. We begin to prioritize someone or something else over our spouse and no longer put our marriage first. When a marriage becomes a last priority, there’s no place it can go but downhill. Tina B. Tessina, PhD, psychotherapist and author explains, “Most women cheat because they feel emotionally deprived, and men are unfaithful because they often feel sexually deprived.” The truth about cheating is that no matter who does it or why, it’s going to seriously impact your relationship. Here are five excuses you’ll hear from cheating women.
“I can’t stop cheating.”
If you find yourself cheating again and again in a relationship, it’s time to look inward. It is within the control of each person to make a deliberate choice to engage in cheating or not. One thing that aids in the prevalence of cheating in our culture is technology, particularly social media. The heavy use of technology in your marriage can be problematic for a number of reasons. First, it stifles good communication. If you’re one of those couples who goes to dinner and you both immediately pull out your phones, you may be more focused on what’s going on in the world than what’s going on in your marriage. Secondly, technology is an easy access point to cheating. Social media provides a space for not only public messaging, but also private messaging. Messaging another man without your husband’s knowledge is deceptive and can take you down the path of infidelity.
“He cheated first.”
They say two wrongs don’t make a right and it’s true. This also applies to cheating. If he cheats and you cheat on him, you may think cheating on him will make you feel better and level the field. But the reality is that cheating didn’t make things even. It just made the problem worse. It may also leave you feeling emotionally empty. You may experience a high at first, but then you’ll end up just feeling even worse about the whole situation and sick of the level you went down to. Cheating can also present a plethora of problems for countless reasons, one of them being what this section is about. Cheating can create more cycles of cheating and the next thing you know, you and your partner are so disconnected from each other, there is no coming back from it. Not surprisingly, not only will a victim of infidelity mistrust their partner sexually and emotionally, he or she might also begin to doubt them in other areas.
“I’m just bored.”
It’s natural for feelings of boredom to show up in your relationship, especially when you’ve been together for a while and things seem to get a little repetitive. But using the excuse that you’re bored to cheat on someone is not only a shallow move, but also narcissistic. Another way women get caught up cheating is by focusing too heavily on their own needs over their spouse’s needs. Contrary to popular belief, you can be unfaithful to your spouse with yourself. How you might ask? When you begin to choose self-gratification over spouse-gratification, you’re being unfaithful. There’s nothing wrong with having hobbies, being involved in activities or enjoying time with your friends. The problem occurs when you choose these things over spending time with your spouse and don’t care that you’re doing just that. Second to God, your spouse should come first. If you’re selfishly choosing “me time” over “us time” you are being unfaithful.
“He’s just my friend."
One excuse that often comes from women who cheat is “he’s just my friend.” One the most vital components to creating a happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship is to become a master of setting boundaries in your marriage. You should always create boundaries with people of the opposite sex. It’s especially important that you create boundaries with male co-workers, friends and acquaintances. If you don’t, you may quickly find yourself in a vulnerable position and the next thing you know, cheating on the man you love. You will soon ask yourself how you ended up where you did. What may begin as an innocent friendship can easily spiral into an emotional or physical affair. Before you know it, you are thinking about this man more and wishing you could spend more intimate time with him. There is nowhere this sort of relationship can go but downward.
“We’re always fighting.”
Constant fighting will breakdown your relationship and after a certain period of time it can start shifting the perception you have of someone else. Because of this, “we’re always fighting” is a common excuse that is used to cheat. Fighting in any relationship can be problematic, but it is no excuse for cheating. When your relationship is in trouble, you may find yourself arguing more and more with your significant other not only about the big things but also the little things. Nitpicking and criticism often surface in these arguments too, with no care for the kind of hurt you’re inflicting on the other. If you can’t seem to come to an understanding about anything, this may be a sign of bigger trouble in the relationship.
Excuses can destroy your relationship if you allow them to. Talk to your spouse and ask him what you’re currently doing, what you could potentially be doing and what excuses you may be making that would make him feel threatened, disconnected from you, or make him feel like he’s being cheated on. If you’re doing any of these things and you value your marriage, it’s time to stop immediately. Be honest with your spouse about your actions and what you’ve been feeling. Honesty is one of the first paths to healing.