Since the beginning of time, romantic partners have been cheating and while we hope the relationship is truly for better or worse, romantic relationships are not always as straightforward as we would hope them to be. Our close relationships can cause heartache and anxiety, but it’s also difficult to discuss lying and cheating openly. When the conversation about a spouse cheating comes up, people tend to get angry or they become defensive. While it can be extremely disheartening to have to deal with these issues, deception and infidelity are important to understand. A cheater often cheats because they actually believe their own lies. Those who cheat will convince themselves that they’re not doing anything wrong, not hurting anyone and anybody who thinks their behavior is problematic should back off. They’ll rationalize the cheating and when caught, defend their actions to know end. Once pride gets involved, things can really begin to quickly unravel. These excuses are generally told so the cheating can be rationalized. Believing these lies is not only common but also essential for a cheater. Here are six excuses you’ll hear from cheating men.
"What’s the harm in flirting?”
Maybe you’re hanging onto a coworker's every word and laughing at all her jokes. Perhaps your conversations with a friend get a little suggestive at times. Are you making sure you always look your best when you know you’re going to see a certain someone? Flirting happens, but how do you know when you or your partner have crossed the line? As hard as it is for many people to acknowledge it, especially cheaters, flirting can damage your relationship. Flirting, even if it’s meant to be innocent, can feed a partner’s insecurities and take a person’s attention away from the relationship. If you witness your partner flirting with someone, you may begin to question whether he finds that person attractive or if he still thinks you are. Turn the tables: Perhaps your partner is wondering why you enjoy the attention that someone else is giving you. It may make him question whether you’re happy in your relationship. If flirting is creating insecurities, it’s problematic.
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
A cheater will do everything in their power to downplay and minimize the cheating. While a cheater will typically say what they’re doing is no big deal, this is usually accompanied with tons of lies. If it’s not that big of a deal, why is the relationship riddled with secrecy? If what they’re doing isn’t such a big deal, why are they so afraid to do it openly? The reality is, what they’re doing is a huge deal and they know if you knew the truth, it would devastate you and potentially end the relationship.
When your partner doesn’t show any outward displays of guilt after they’ve cheated, it may be particularly upsetting because it seems to show a lack of sympathy, caring or remorse, and has you thinking they are likely to repeat the experience once you calm down and some time has gone by. You may wonder how you can fix a relationship where the cheating spouse doesn’t appear to fully own the wrong.
“They’re just a friend.”
Don’t ever talk to someone who says they’re just a friend. Lots of people find themselves wrapped up in physical relationships and flings with men and women who are a lot more than just friends. While there are many people who can maintain platonic friendships with men and women while they’re in a committed relationship, some can’t. If your partner and their “friend” have a history or something doesn’t feel quite right about their dynamic, there’s a possibility that something’s going on between them. If you find clues that lead you to believe that something’s up, they are probably up to no good. If you come across flirty texts, racy photos or simply see that they have intimate plans to meet up without your knowledge, something’s going on. Don’t dismiss it.
“It wasn’t technically cheating.”
Micro-cheating is a series of seemingly small actions that Indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside of a relationship. Lying about your relationship status, engaging with a past lover on social media or consistently texting someone without your partner knowing are a handful of ways someone might engage in this behavior. It wasn’t technically cheating, right?
When your spouse has been caught stepping outside of the relationship, and they think that nothing is wrong because they weren’t technically cheating, then they’re not only lying to you, but also to themselves. Cheating isn’t just a physical act. It also involves having an emotional connection with another person. When you cheat, you are seeking romantic fulfillment outside of the relationship. They may not have gone all the way with physical contact, or maybe they didn’t feel like they were being unfaithful, but when someone else is filling the physical or emotional void your partner once filled, it’s cheating, whether they want to admit it or not.
“It meant nothing.”
How many of us have heard this cliché before? This is one of the rudest, but most common things a cheater can tell you. If you were the one who was unfaithful, and you were caught, you may have caused irreparable damage – whatever your reasons. Saying this cliché will make things much worse. While the cheating may not have meant anything to them, it definitely meant something to you. A person who can say this is clearly not willing to be held accountable for their actions. Yes, there may not have been any romantic feelings or an emotional connection between your spouse and that other person, but that doesn’t mean that the cheating didn’t happen. When they say this, they are unwilling to take your emotions into consideration. In those moments, they are more concerned about their desires than yours.
Pay attention to the things your man is saying in addition to his actions. More often than not, a person who has cheated and hasn’t gotten caught will likely cheat again. Cheaters typically aren’t satisfied with what they have. They can have an extremely devoted, loving and supportive partner, but that still won’t stop them from cheating again. Cheating is a very selfish, ego-driven act. Once your spouse has stepped out on you, they have already displayed their lack of respect for you. This doesn’t mean your spouse doesn’t have the ability to make a major change related to their cheating ways; however, if they’ve cheated in the past, it is very likely they will cheat again.