10 Ways Life after Divorce Surprised Me By DivorcedMomsCOM l Divorce Advice l How to Cope With Divorce l Things to Learn From Divorce l Lessons To Learn From Divorce l Divorce Lessons l Relationship Advice

I Got Better, and My Kids’ Health Improved

I was never in poor health, but there always seemed to be some issue, ache, pain or problem that required a doctor visit, physical therapy, massage, etc. And several of my kids had seemingly significant health problems at the time of my divorce. The improvements in both my health and my kids’ health was a pleasant surprise. As the tension in the house left, many of the symptoms and issues diminished or disappeared. I was able to find appropriate help for those issues that remained. And in the years since divorce, I’ve had the time and energy to change my diet and exercise habits and establish a consistent meditation practice, all of which have improved my health and well-being so that I rarely see the doctor except for well visits and screenings.

I Was Capable of Handling Home Improvements and Car Care

My former husband had always dealt with the contractors and service personnel for home and auto-related updates and repairs. I knew very little about these areas, but I couldn’t ignore them once there was no one else around to carry the ball. A neighbor gave me a referral to a local mechanic, and I’ve been taking my cars there ever since. These guys are trustworthy and now know who I am. Just last week they gave me a free tire repair (after I spent a large amount on some other repairs last month, but it’s still nice to be known and well-treated). I’ve also managed a large-scale home improvement project and both emergency and routine repairs and maintenance successfully since my divorce. I’ve been surprised to find that I’m capable of asking the right kinds of questions, trusting my instincts about who to work with, speaking up for what I want, asking for help and support when I needed it, and being able to fund these projects as well.

We Had Less Fighting in the House – Across the Board

Two of my three kids are boys (actually young men now, but they weren’t when we divorced). They fought regularly no matter what I did or didn’t do. My daughter didn’t fight like the boys, but she was often upset with their behavior. And they all had regular frustrations with their dad (especially when he was drinking). I expected some improvements once active alcoholism was removed from our home, but I was surprised to find that over time the squabbling among the siblings decreased, too. Though there are still some fights, there is a lot more joy and fun in life after divorce – not just for me, but for the kids as well.

Interests

I discovered new interests and had the freedom to explore and develop them at my own pace. At the time I got divorced about the only things I knew about myself were that I was a good worker and made a decent living, and I was a good mom who cared deeply about her kids. I didn’t know what I liked, who I liked, or what I wanted to do with my time (mainly because if I wasn’t working or parenting, I was sleeping!). Slowly and gradually I’ve begun to try new activities and make friends, and to do so at a pace that feels comfortable to me. I’ve been surprised by the joy I feel when climbing mountains, for example, and the fact that I’m physically capable to do so. Before divorce, who knew?