7 Things to Never Give Up in a Relationship

So you’re a hopeless romantic. You throw yourself wholeheartedly into relationships, fully committing yourself to the experience. You know what you’re doing, and you know that compromise is the key to keeping your partner happy as can be.

But in the throes of love, can you tell when you’ve compromised too much?

Nearly everyone finds themselves acting a little differently when they’re swept off their feet by an alluring partner. We style our hair a little differently, buy new clothes, and maybe even hit the gym. As the relationship progresses, we find that we need to compromise on certain things—maybe spend a little less time at work, and a little more time helping around the house.

But this can go too far when we start changing the core values, beliefs, and worldviews that make us unique individuals. Being committed to your relationship doesn’t mean that you have to give up who you are. It doesn’t mean sacrificing the essential You in order to hang on to love.

But sometimes, that’s exactly what we give up, and because of the blinding power of love, we don’t even know it. To help you safeguard your essential self, let’s take a look at a few things you should never, ever give up in order to please someone else.

Your Goals

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Your dreams are a vital part of you. They’re slowly formed as you mature, and may even take on different forms as you learn and grow, but they’re always there.

Don’t let your partner pluck them from your sky.

Perhaps your dream is to write a novel. Or maybe you want to produce beautiful art, get a master’s degree in engineering, live a minimalist life, or own a cat named Earl. Whatever your dreams are, hold onto them. Cherish them. Let them grow and blossom. They’re an essential part of you.

It’s easy to inadvertently give up on your dreams while caught up in the tumultuous emotions of romantic love. You might give up on your art or education to spend more time with your partner, or maybe you agree to permanently move into the city when, in your heart, you long to be close to nature.

Or, worse, an insecure partner may feel threatened by your dreams, and actively work to keep your creative, passionate mind stifled so that they can maintain control.

If either of these situations sounds familiar, it’s time to take back your dreams. Your relationship should support them, never destroy them.

Your Hobbies

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Where your dreams are the stars by which you navigate your life, your hobbies are the activities you’re passionate about and can engage in right now.

They’re also one of the first things to go when we enter into an exciting new relationship.

Whether it’s playing the saxophone, collecting, cooking, or building robots, we all have hobbies that take up some portion of our daily life. But when that special someone comes onto the scene, we can feel embarrassed about those hobbies that don’t seem to fit into our partners’ lives. We can start to think that these hobbies are not important, that we need to give them up.

While compromise and discussion are necessary when deciding how to spend your time within the context of a relationship, you should never have to give up your hobbies—especially if they’re dear to you.

If you do give them up, you’re setting your relationship up for failure because you’ll grow resentful over time. When prevented from doing the things we love, we grow unhappy.

When partners engage in one another’s diverse interests, they both come away enriched. Keep those passions that make you uniquely You, and your new relationship will be all the better.

Your Friends and Family

No one person can be your everything—not even that special man or woman you’ve fallen for so hard.

The people in your life are incredibly important. You are a complex, multifaceted human being, and each unique friend and family member provides something that no one else can. We all have that friend we can vent to or that sibling who understands our emotions. We need each of these people—they are our support structure.

When we give these people up for the love of one man or woman, we give up our support structure. Many people put their friends and family on pause when they first enter into a new relationship—this is normal. It’s when we utterly cut them off that the problem arises.

Whether we simply let these people slip away or succumb from the pressure of a controlling partner, giving up the love of friends and family is always detrimental. A healthy relationship allows room for others, and a good partner realizes that he or she cannot provide for you in every way.

Your Beliefs

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Beliefs can be a source of contention—there’s no doubt about that. But when one partner gives up the beliefs that inform the very way they see the world, they lose touch with who they are.

Whatever your views on politics and religion, you’ve chosen your beliefs for a reason. They’re a part of you, and they affect everything you do. Letting go of your beliefs means completely changing your life.

You should never have to change your life in order to make someone else happy. If you do, they’re not the person for you.

If you and your partner are of different belief systems, this is a conversation you need to have. Beliefs should be talked about, and talked about respectfully. If your partner can’t do this, they might not be the one for you.

So don’t allow yourself to feel pressured into giving up your worldview. Remain the wonderful, unique individual that you are, and you’ll attract the right person.

Your Happiness

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You deserve to be happy. Remember that.

A relationship should encourage that happiness—it shouldn’t be a constant slog. Yes, relationships take work, and it’s normal to go through periods of stress and turmoil, especially in long-term relationships. But our relationships should also bring us joy.

If you’re deeply and consistently unhappy, and can’t quite figure out why, it’s likely that you’ve given up some part of yourself we’ve talked about on this list. In doing so, you also give up your happiness, especially in the long-term.

Your relationship with your partner should bring out the best in you. If it’s not, and if you find yourself being the one who is forced to consistently sacrifice your happiness for the sake of your partner’s, it may be time to have a conversation.

Remember—relationships take work on both sides. Both partners should work to make one another happy. Make sure that you’re not the only one who is sacrificing.

Your Privacy and Alone Time

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Yes, you get to keep your privacy when you’re in a committed relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Taking alone time is important to our autonomy and personal growth. No matter how close we might be with our partner, we’re all a little different when we know we’re alone, when we know we’re not being watched and evaluated.

This is important.

Having the space to step back and think is healthy—it gives you the chance to process life without any interruptions, and to discover new parts of yourself that may lie hidden when you’re not alone.

Trust is an essential element of any relationship, and if your partner trusts you, he or she will be glad to give you your space. If they’re insecure enough to take this as an insult, talk about it. Let them know that it’s not about them—you’re simply a better person when you can take some time to yourself.

Your Identity

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Over time, some couples have the tendency to become one person. They do the same things, listen to the same music, and hang out with the same friends, their identities fusing into one homogenous blob of couplehood. And if the worst happens, and that relationship ends, each of them finds that they no longer know who they really are. They’re half persons.

Don’t give up your identity for love. While this may correlate with the other points on this list, this is incredibly important to remember.

There’s a reason why your partner fell in love with you—you’re different. You’re unique. You like cats and collect stamps and dream of being a rockstar. When you lose these things, you cover up what makes you sparkle.

Being confidently yourself is so much more attractive than conforming your identity to that of your partner. If you merely become the person you think your partner wants, you’ll inadvertently deprive him or her of that person.

Be you.