7 Steps to Letting Go of Fear and Learning to Trust Again

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Relationships can be challenging. At some point we all get hurt and put up invisible walls to protect ourselves. When we have been hurt our natural instinct is to run away from similar situations that may cause us further pain. For this reason, after a betrayal of a friend, spouse, significant other or family member it can feel like it is hard to trust anyone again. Yet to continue to live our lives and experience the joy and happiness we all desire this is a hurdle we must overcome.

The only way to get through this and regain the ability to trust is to face our fear of being hurt again head on. Being humiliated, rejected, abandoned or betrayed is not enjoyable but neither is shutting yourself off from the world, missing all of the fabulous experiences and good people life has to offer. The only way to learn to trust again is to get back in the game. By making the decision to take small steps to slowly be more open and trusting each day. We learn to trust again buy doing and in so doing we learn who in our lives is trustworthy.

In any relationship, good or bad, trust is something we must build on a daily basis. We cannot protect ourselves by being mistrusting. The walls we build to keep ourselves safe from others do not make the situation any better and often result in us marinating in the betrayal and becoming bitter. It is important to move on, even though it is hard, and move past the event rather than focusing on the betrayal and reopening the wounds over and over again. The longer we focus on what hurt us the harder it is to heal from the trauma and pain.

Remember our natural instinct is to be good and trustworthy. We all make mistakes but it is natural to trust others and ourselves. Mistrust is not a natural response. Here are some tips to help you open up and start trusting again.

It’s not all about you.

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As painful as a betrayal or loss of trust can be very often the actions of the other person have much less to do with you and a lot more to do with who they are than we tend to think. It is natural as you process the betrayal to consider your role in the event and what you did to cause or why you were not enough to prevent it. These thoughts simply are not valid. People make choices and take actions based on who they are. You are not responsible for the choices of another. Do not play the role of the codependent and take on the responsibility of the feelings and actions of another. That is not your job. Remember their choices and actions are a reflection of who they are, not who you are. Keep the two separate.

Believe it is possible to trust.

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Since trust is a component to some degree in all human relationships, accept that this is something you cannot hide from. Eventually you will need to trust someone again. Why not get on with it and start now. It is impossible to start a new relationship or repair an existing one if you refuse to trust. If you believe you will betrayed and project that onto the relationship, eventually you will be. Instead affirm for yourself that it is possible that there are people out there that you can trust. Believe that people who may have fallen short and lost some of your trust can change and redeem themselves. I am not saying everyone, all the time. I am saying to allow yourself to believe that it is possible. Once you start to open yourself to this possibility you will feel yourself relax and it will be easier to move on to the next step.

Just do it!

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When facing our fears, sometimes we have to just do it to get past them. Just trust. Choose a person with is truly a good person with good intentions. Perhaps they have made mistakes but down deep they are trustworthy. Stop over analyzing and nitpicking. Let them share their best selves with you. That may mean they forget things that are important to you at times, commit to things they cannot carry through on or don’t give you the attention you desire some days but that does not mean they are betraying you. Don’t jump to conclusions based on your past experiences. Try opening yourself and being a little bit vulnerable to try trusting again. This may be just the opening the other person needs to show you how trustworthy they really can be. Just because you were hurt once does not mean that it will happen again. What we focus on repetitively becomes our reality so focus on what you want, not your fears, hurts and past pain.