7 Signs of Cheating That Everyone Misses

Shutterstock.com

It should obvious when a spouse is cheating. He comes home smelling of the wrong perfume or she is suddenly determined to hide her phone from you. He has been “working late” every day for a month. She is always “out with the girls” on the weekends. If you refuse to bury your head in the sand, you will find plenty of evidence to prove that his “poker games” are just the cover for his dates with the other woman. As long as you have an idea of what you are looking for, the affair should be easy to spot, right?

Wrong. Plenty of cheating spouses do their research. They read various bloggers’ advice on how to catch a cheating spouse and are careful not to make the classic mistakes. A cheating spouse might also simply be a better actor or actress than you expected. Only a pathological liar or experienced cheater is going to be able to have an affair without leaving behind some kind of clue. That said, not even an experienced cheater is going to be able to cover their tracks perfectly. However, the signs may not be obvious even with a first time cheater. Here are seven signs of cheating everyone misses.

Accusing You of Cheating

Shutterstock.com

Strange as it sounds, a cheating spouse may start accusing you of infidelity. He may suddenly seem jealous of your male friends when there was never an issue before. Out of the blue, she might start quizzing you about whether or not your girl friends are really just friends.

A straying spouse has a guilty conscience. He knows what he is doing is wrong, and he knows that he is going to hurt you. This can lead him to project what he is feeling onto you. She might also unconsciously recognize opportunities for an affair that she might have taken if she were in your shoes. She knows that she would have yielded to temptation and, thus, thinks that you might as well.

The accusations of cheating leave you looking to prove your cheating spouse wrong which deflects suspicion off her. A cheater’s accusations of adultery also make it seem like they value the relationship and would never stray themselves. Sadly, this is normally the complete opposite of the truth.

Increased Demands For Privacy

On some level, adulterers know that they are going to get caught. This leaves him defensive about questions and paranoid that you will find out about the other woman. If she gets irritated whenever you ask her what time she is going to be home from the girl’s night out or if he gets annoyed when you ask him where he is going after work, there might be a problem. A cheating spouse needs as much privacy as possible if he is going to have any hope of hiding the affair.

She might also start demanding more digital privacy. If she doesn’t want to share her phone passcode or suddenly refuses to let you borrow her computer, she may have something to hide. There is nothing suspicious about a spouse wanting to keep their text messages private or wanting a little space, but a sudden new emphasis on privacy could signal a straying spouse.

Perfect Relationship

Lots of people are blindsided by the reality of their spouse’s adultery because the relationship seemed perfect right before the truth came out. You weren’t fighting with him, and nothing seemed to bother her anymore.

No relationship is ever perfect, and, sadly, the reason a relationship with a cheating spouse seems like fairy tale perfection is that the spouse has stopped caring about the relationship. He is no longer committed to your relationship anymore so nothing bothers him. Her heart does not belong to you anymore so she does not bring up anything that could cause friction. The unmet needs he had before are now being fulfilled elsewhere. She has stopped complaining about how you never listen to her because her boyfriend is now the one listening. He no longer brags about his job because his mistress is now the one he tells all his stories to. Perfection or a complete lack of friction is unnatural in a relationship. If you suddenly feel like you are living in a fairy tale, it might be time to ask some questions.

Unexplained Distance

Shutterstock.com

Stress can push people apart and strain even the strongest relationship. If she has a big presentation coming up or he is concerned about his mother’s health, a little distance is normal. Distance between spouses becomes a more suspicious sign when that distance is never bridged.

If there seems to be no reason for him to be so distant, the stress in his life might be coming from a guilty conscience. If she has been unfaithful, her sense of guilt might make her pull away from you. He knows that what he has done is wrong, and every time you smile at him, he is reminded of his betrayal.

The death of intimacy might also come because your spouse has stopped caring about the relationship. He invests less in your relationship because all his emotional energy is being spent on his mistress. You might notice that he has stopped confiding in you or that she never seems to care about your opinions.

Forgetting What They've Told You

A cheating spouse may struggle to remember what they have told you and what they have told their illicit lover. The other woman has become his primary confidant, but you will get suspicious if he stops telling you anything. The result is that he may start telling the same story over and over again. She is unable to remember if she told you or her boyfriend about what her boss said, so she tells you again just in case it was her boyfriend she told. He may repeatedly ask you, “Did I tell you this already?” or even worse, “Are you the one I told this story too?”

An unfaithful spouse might also ask what stories you have already heard in order to remind himself what lies he told you. If you tell him you have already heard the story about the flying pizza dough, he knows that the pizza place was his alibi. Everyone gets forgetful sometimes, but, if her good memory has suddenly vanished, you might have cause for concern.

Gift Giving or Increased Compliments

Shutterstock.com

A cheating spouse has a guilty conscience. He knows that he is breaking a vow and betraying you. This can leave an adulterous spouse looking for some way to make it up to you. You may not even know that she is being unfaithful, but she is still looking for a way to assuage her guilty conscience. So, a cheater may bring home “just because” gifts or spend an increased amount of money on birthday or anniversary gifts.

A spouse who is having an affair might also start complimenting you more. You should be used to complimenting your spouse and being complimented in return, but something might be wrong if he tells you that he loves the purple dress he used to say made you look like a blueberry.

Lots of compliments and gifts also work to keep you happy and convinced that your spouse has no reason to stray. After all, a man who buys you a new bracelet “just because” or a woman who bought you those new golf clubs for you birthday has to be happy in the relationship, right?

Change in Appearance

Everyone changes their appearance sometimes. Women who have had long hair all their lives may decide to chop it all off when they turn forty. Men who have always worn a thick beard might shave their whiskers off when their beard starts turning grey. There is nothing inherently suspicious about a spouse who decides they want to pay more attention to their health and starts exercising regularly. Likewise, there is nothing strange about a spouse who is tired of their jeans being too tight and starts eating healthier.

You should, however, be able to understand why your spouse is suddenly more interested in their appearance. If she told you that strength training can prevent osteoporosis later in life, it makes sense that she would start lifting weights. If you know he hates buying new jeans, there is nothing surprising about him beginning to eat healthier so he can fit into his old ones. If there is no apparent reason for him to concentrate on his appearance, he may be trying to look nice for his mistress.