7 Big Relationship Mistakes Men Make

I had a very interesting phone conversation last night with a woman in Los Angeles who finds herself immersed in the LA dating scene (which, as you can imagine, is unique).

We discussed some recent experiences that she has had with men, and while some of them were a little different from what I usually hear, some of them were also consistent with issues that I felt I had discussed multiple times before with multiple different women about multiple different men. What does this mean?

It means there are consistencies. There are, for some reason, mistakes that many men (probably myself included) are making when it comes to being in a relationship. In this article, we will discuss some of them in order to help all of us become more aware of where we can improve, and work to become better.

You have never really learned about women.

This has always surprised me a little bit. People (men and women) spend years of their life learning about business, history, science, and whatever subject comes our way. But when it comes to the one thing every single one of us shares – relationships – many are generally clueless. Time is not taken to observe, talk to, or learn about the opposite sex.

The more effort you put into learning about women, particularly the one in your life, the more likely you are to be in tune with her feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes. This will of course lead to a smoother, happier relationship because you can anticipate her wants and needs in order to act on them. You don’t need to be a mind reader, you just need to put in a little effort.

You don’t make her a priority.

More than one conversation I have had recently has focused on men who were either so submerged in their career, business, friends, or other interests that they barely made time to spend with their own girlfriend. As an entrepreneur, I understand the importance of focusing on business and progress, but I also understand the beauty and depth a relationship can bring to your life, and the importance of playing your equal role in it.

The woman in your life wants to feel valued. She wants to feel adored. She wants you to be emotionally present when you are with her. She doesn’t need to have you around constantly, but of course she wants to feel loved, just like you do.

If you stop putting in effort to make the woman in your life feel special every day, you lose your right to complain when someone else does.

You didn’t work to build a foundation.

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A foundation of friendship and trust is essential to every relationship, much like a first building a foundation is essential to building a house. Without it, things may look solid from the outside but will be crumbling from the inside.

Many men shy away from friendship with women because they are scared of being in the ‘friend zone’ and never having more than that with a woman they have feelings for. But it is important to realize that many relationships are built off of friendships. That is what keeps two people together in the long term. She needs to know she can count on you, that you will be there, that you are the real deal.

You can have a friendship without a relationship, but you can’t have a relationship without a friendship.

You are inconsistent.

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Another one of the most common questions I get from women about men is: Why are men so hot and cold? Men can be talking about commitment and a relationship one day, and then completely disappear the next. What gives?

I understand that as men in the social media era we have options. We can easily X out a conversation and start a new one while easily forgetting about the last one. It is an unfortunate side effect of the out of sight, out of mind mentality that comes along with constant information overload. But one thing has not changed: The fact that you are talking to real human beings with real feelings and emotions.

If you are interested in her, tell her. If you are not interested in her, tell her. A gentleman will never allow a woman to fall if he does not intend on catching her.

You put in part-time effort.

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Healthy relationships are not a part time commitment. The woman you are with is not just another option or a way to pass your time, and she shouldn’t be made to feel like she is.

When you are with her, be with her. When you are not with her, let her know you’re thinking about her. A relationship is a team, and teams fall apart when one of the members doesn’t pull their own weight.

As mentioned earlier, she needs to know that you will be there for her during good times and during bad times. If you always seem to be just sort of kind of committed, she will eventually realize she is better off being single or finding someone who gives her what she needs.

You have not yet defined yourself or your own path.

I know that this was a big hang-up for me for a long time. I wasn’t really sure who I was as a person, who I wanted to be, or who I wanted to become. For that reason (and others) I knew I wasn’t going to be ready for a relationship until I had at least a better grip on those questions.

In order to be happy with someone else, you first need to be happy with yourself. That is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. If that one isn’t healthy, none of your others will be either.

The idea of “you complete me” is romantic, but it is not realistic. A relationship is not about two people who complete each other, it’s about two people who are already whole and accept each other completely.