Remain in the Present
Another huge mistake that many people make while in conflict with their loved ones is living in the past.
It may be tempting to bring up past grievances when issues arise—after all, it’s a great way to win the argument, right?
Most of the time, this is manipulative, an “I win” button that has no place in any dispute—it’s often used to guilt or shame a partner into submission. Picking up spent ammunition from the interpersonal battlefields of the past isn’t going to heal those old wounds—healing mostly occurs outside of conflict.
Rather, discuss issues as they happen. Don’t wait for frustration and anger to build, only to release it during some subsequent transgression. Solve the current problem, as it is right now.
And as for those things that have never been fully resolved, those legitimate hurts and disappointments—deal with those later, when the present conflict is resolved. Bringing up past hurts is best done when emotions are calm, and solutions can be sought together, not during a fight.
If the offending party has taken ownership of their past transgressions, and a change in behavior has occurred, leave the past in the past. However, if they are actively ignoring recurring problematic behavior, feel free to confront them about this.
Stay focused on what matters during conflict, and a resolution will be much easier to reach.