6 Things Resilient People Do After Heartbreak

Emotional pain isn’t like physical pain. You can’t ice the feeling of loss. You can’t see hurt feelings on an x-ray. And you can’t put a splint on a broken heart.

The grief that comes with heartbreak can seem insurmountable, a massive weight that rests upon tired shoulders. Some people struggle with it for years, never truly moving on, languishing in their continued pain. Others, however, bounce back, sometimes even better than before. They learn from their experience and they simply move on while the rest of us gaze on in wonder, thinking how do they do that?

It isn’t magic or some nebulous talent that allows people to bounce back from even major setbacks and tragedies. It’s emotional resilience—the ability to recover from the stresses of life. Getting over heartbreak, especially, involves deliberate action and decision-making. Take a look at these key things emotionally resilient people do after heartbreak to learn how to deal with your own.

They Love Themselves

Resilient people have a high self-worth that they maintain. Emotionally resilient people focus on themselves after heartbreak. They focus on remembering their value, their personal achievements, and their positive traits. They remember that they have to hold themselves to their own standards, not that of others. In short, they love themselves.

What does this look like? Loving yourself begins with taking stock of your false beliefs. After tragedy—whether it takes the form of personal loss, the breaking of a relationship, or betrayal from a friend—we tend to develop a negative self-perception. “I caused this,” we might think, or “I could have done better.” Or, worst of all, “I’m a failure.” Examine yourself. If the experience was your fault, forgive yourself. If it wasn’t, realize that fact.

Accept yourself as you are. You are not broken because of what you’ve gone through. You’re not lesser or undesirable. You’re still your beautiful, unique self.

Dispel the false notions you’ve build around yourself, establish your identity, and you’ll come to know and love the real you. Loving yourself if vital to further steps along the path of recovery from heartbreak, so make sure that you spend time on you.

They Seek Support

It takes strength to admit your weaknesses, and this is why resilient people always have a support system—it’s a part of what makes them so resilient! They simply know how to use all of the tools available to them.

Once you’ve primed yourself for emotional strength through re-learning to love yourself, seek the love of others. When you’re at your worst, your ability to make good decisions is sometimes hindered. You need the support of good, stable friends and family members—and sometimes, a counselor or psychiatrist can be a wonderful aid, as well.

This is especially true for men, who often lack adequate support and refuse to seek it. Never feel that you’re a burden, or that you’re weak for seeking help during times of heartbreak—the people who love you want to help you.

Avoid gossipers, negative, or needy friends after heartbreak, and focus on spending time with strong, positive friends who can be great examples for you as you recover. People can make all the difference.

They Don't Let Heartbreak Multiply

One of the worst things you can do in response to heartbreak is to drop everything. Resilient people don’t go through a breakup and use it as an excuse to perform poorly at work for the next months. They don’t tell themselves that they “need” drugs or alcohol. Spirals of self-destructive behavior often follow heartbreak for those who treat their lives like a line of dominos, any setback knocking over the entire set.

Don’t halt the other aspects of your normal routine to wallow in despair and self-pity. This will only add heartbreak to heartbreak, and you’ll be far worse off—do your best to stay focused on your necessary life tasks while you’re hurting.

This is an extremely important trait of resilient people that makes for an excellent lesson. Misery, strangely, can be addictive, and when one part of our life tumbles, we’re sometimes tempted to let go and let it all burn. Avoid this temptation, and you’ll set yourself up for a comeback.

They Have a Plan

The resilient set goals for themselves when the worst happens. They don’t isolate themselves from the world and wallow in their feelings. They put a plan set in place, and they follow it.

Sometimes action is a great way to get your life back on track after a negative life event. Heartbreak, among other things, means change, and often represents the opportunity for a fresh start. So learn something new or take up that hobby you’ve always wanted to delve into. Try traveling to a place you've never been before. Volunteering—one of the best ways to become happier—is also a great route to take. Do something. Start rebuilding your life.

Take special care to set goals that will keep pulling you toward a healthier place. If you know your weakness during times of sadness is eating, make it a goal to shop for healthy foods. If it’s laying in the bed all day, then make it a point to put daily exercise on your schedule. Know yourself and your weaknesses, and plan to fill those gaps. When you plan, you focus on the future—envision a happy, positive future, and set goals that will get you there.

They Care For Their Health

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Emotional stress takes a huge toll on the body, and the resilient take steps to alleviate this.

Long-term stress causes inflammation, an immune-response that is a part of the body’s normal reaction to injury or distress. Normally, it stimulates the body to fight off an infection or repair a wound. But like pushing your car to its top speed, inflammation can be harmful over a long period of time.

Ratcheting down your stress level takes deliberate effort. Focus first on the need which usually takes the biggest hit during heartbreak—sleep. Establish a sleep schedule and stick to it, and avoid taking any screens to bed with you or drinking anything containing caffeine.

Exercise also reduces stress. Put in your earphones and go for a relaxing walk or jog. Get to the gym and hit the weights. Just get yourself moving for at least 30 minutes a day, and you’ll feel better—exercise is one of the most effective anti-depressants around.

Finally, make sure you spend time with others. Loneliness is a source of stress, and many people tend to isolate themselves when they’re down. Don’t let this be you. Take care of yourself and be attentive to your needs, and you’ll recover all the faster.

They Let Go

C.S. Lewis, who lost his wife to cancer, once wrote that “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward.” The hardest part of heartbreak is letting go, but resilient people make it a priority.

Part of letting go is taking heed of the steps we’ve already gone over. But there’s more. Many people tend to return over and over to thoughts of what happened, or obsess over certain objects or photographs that are connected to the event or person that broke their hearts.

Don’t. If you find your mind going there, redirect your thoughts. Every time. There’s a time to deal with heartbreak, and a time to grieve, but when negative and intrusive thoughts begin affecting your life, it’s time for a change. Get into new activities that don’t remind you of what hurt you. Get rid of objects that bring up painful memories. Allow yourself to move into the present rather than staying in the past.