6 Non-Cheating Ways You Are Betraying Your Partner

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When you first hear the word “betrayal” used in regard to a relationship, one of the first things that probably comes to mind is cheating. Cheating is, after all, one of the greatest betrayals in a relationship. That does not mean, however, that cheating is the only way that people betray their partners. In fact, there are far more common ways that people stab their partners in the back.

There is an unnervingly large number of ways that a person can betray their partner, and many of those betrayals are painfully common. A single betrayal may not be enough to end all relationships. After all, some people even forgive cheaters. That does not mean, however, that a betrayal will not damage the relationship severely. Small betrayals may not seem like a big deal at the time, but it is much harder to heal a heart that has been hurt than to simply avoid injuring it in the first place. With that in mind, here are six common, non-cheating ways you are betraying your partner.

Airing Out the Dirty Laundry

Your partner will never be perfect and neither will you. Even if you two have a long, happy, healthy relationship, there will still be times that you two will end up driving each other up the wall. He will be late to date night for the fifth time in a row. She will keep forgetting things at your place and asking you to bring them to her. He will fail to clean up after himself and leave the kitchen looking like a tornado came through. She will use up all the hot water when she showers. When those things happen, you need to avoid badmouthing your partner to others, especially if you keep acting like everything is fine around your partner. The two parties involved in a relationship are supposed to be a team. If you are having problems, you need to discuss them with your partner, not a stranger. This does not mean you cannot let off some steam by ranting to a trusted friend, but you need to choose that person carefully and speak privately. No couple should be airing their dirty laundry in public.

Penny Pinching Problems

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Money is one of those things that all couples worry about but no one wants to discuss. It can seem crass and crude to talk about money with your partner, but finances are one of the most commonly cited causes of strife in a relationship. It is also an easy way to betray your partner. If you are hiding purchases, fibbing about monetary concerns or quietly putting money in a private account, you are betraying your partner.

If you have concerns about you and your partner’s finances or your partner’s spending habits, you need to be upfront and honest with them about it. Do not pretend that their habits do not bother you and then quietly set aside money for yourself. If you are concerned that you are the one who needs to hide their spending habits, that might be evidence that you need to change them. Most people do not hide things they believe are acceptable or of which they should be proud.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

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The most serious and most common betrayal in relationships is lying. It is lies that tend to turn up in just about any betrayal including cheating. Keeping things from your partner or deliberately telling mistruths shatters the trust the two of you have built. With the exception of fibbing about the surprise birthday party you have planned for your partner, you should never lie about anything to your partner. One lie is enough to destroy years of trust, and rebuilding trust that has been shattered by a lie is nightmarish. Your partner will question everything you say and do to see if it is another lie. When that happens, you have no one to blame but yourself.

If you find yourself in a relationship where you feel the need to lie, you need to seriously consider if the relationship is healthy for you. If you feel your partner will not like you unless you lie about your opinions, past or habits, it is time to say goodbye. No one should be in a conditional relationship.

Smile Natural as Plastic

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One betrayal that few people consider is when one partner fakes their emotions around the other. Falsifying your emotions is a unique type of lying. There are often no false words exchanged, but that does not mean that a person is not lying. A fake smile when the person is trying not to cry, a calm look when the person is seething inside or watery eyes when the person could care less about what is happening are all forms of falsifying emotions. People usually fake their emotions in order to avoid hurting their partner or put off a confrontation. This is why many couples are experts at wearing a happy face even when they are nearly angry enough to punch the wall. It is also why women may fake orgasms or partners may pretend that the sex or even simply the date was fabulous when it was really at best mediocre. Lying to your partner through your emotions is still lying. You need to be open and honest with your partner and that includes your emotional responses. No one is saying you have to be blunt or tactless, but if you really did not have a good time at the theater, tell your partner. Otherwise you may find yourself going to that same show every time it is in town.

Partner Fixer

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If you are in a relationship with someone, it should be because you care about your partner. You should be interested in them for who they are in the present moment, not who they might be in the future. You should never enter a relationship with the aim of fixing someone or changing them into someone new. You should certainly never start trying to change your partner after you are in a relationship. When you do, this makes it clear to your partner that you do not actually care about them. You are interested in some idealized version of them that you have created in your head. No one wants to be second to an illusion.

Refusing to change your partner does not mean that you cannot try and get her to stop leaving her makeup all over the sink or train him to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. You can try and get your partner to change their habits in order for you two to coexist more peacefully, but you should never try to change parts of their personality. You should also be able to live with it if your partner does not change their habits. If they have habits that truly bother you so much that you cannot imagine being in a relationship with someone who does those things, call it a deal breaker and move on. There are other fish in the sea.

Secret Sharer

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When your partner tells you something in confidence, you should keep it to yourself. You should not share it with a friend or tell someone else about what your partner has told you. You most certainly should not mention it in public in order to get the upper hand in an argument.

Partners need to be able to be vulnerable with each other. This means that you absolutely cannot use what you partner has shared with you against them in a fight. Deliberately going for their soft spots and stomping on old wounds is a surefire way to end a relationship. No one wants to be in a relationship where anything they say might be used against them later. In such a relationship, there is no trust, no vulnerability and no intimacy. When you are fighting, it can be hard to avoid hitting where you know it will hurt or targeting the weak points in your partner’s armor, but remember, you can never take back the words you spit in anger. Is winning the argument over the laundry really worth betraying someone you love?