5 Ways to Discern Between Godly Love and Godless Infatuation

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Love and infatuation are both intense emotions that one feels for another person. These feelings are most often confused for each other by many people. But the two feelings differ in their actuality of love, intensity and final outcome. Love can be described as an intense feeling of deep affection for another person. It is most often talked about as an emotion between two people. Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship when sexual attraction is central. On our relationship journey, when looking for true love, you may stumble into infatuation. It may feel like love at the surface, but the biggest difference is motivation. The truth is, true and lasting love is motivated by a desire to honor God in our relationship while infatuation seeks to honor our own self-interests, which takes away from God. Here are five ways to discern between godly love and godless infatuation.

Love Grows, Infatuation Comes Without Warning

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Love grows and all growth takes time. Romantic infatuation may arise suddenly and without warning. When you are infatuated, you are often impulsive. You become so quickly attracted to each other that you make quick and permanent plans to marry before you put time, work and commitment in making sure you can keep the promises you make with one another. On the flip slide, with infatuation, just as quickly as your feelings showed up, they can go away. If it’s infatuation, that foundation of love is missing. Slow down, do you “homework” in getting to know each other. In many situations, over the course of time, you can tell if love is really growing or know if your infatuation has grown into mature love for each other.

Love Lasts, Infatuation Doesn’t

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Real love involves commitment to the other person. Infatuation doesn’t. While real love lasts through disagreements and trials, disagreements and trials often burst the bubble of infatuation. A great biblical tool to help determine love from infatuation is found in 1 Corinthians 13. In this chapter, Paul writes about the characteristics of real love. Infatuation is purely an emotion, thus is subject to change and waver where love is an emotional need and an act of the will. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 helps us to better understand love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Love is Empowered by the Spirit, Infatuation is Self-Seeking

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Real love is more about how you can show the person you’re with you care for them. The fruit of the Holy Spirit is love. God pours love into us through the Holy Spirit so we can channel that love to others, particularly in our relationship with the person God desires for us. Infatuation is more about how the other person makes you feel. We’re told in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is patient, but infatuation is far from it. Infatuation is impatient and causes you to get angered easier because it’s more about the self – how that person makes you feel than how you make the other person feel.

Love is Founded in Christ, Infatuation is Founded on the Flesh

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We love because Christ first loved us. This is the only reason we are able to love, whether it be romantically or in another way. Jesus’ love can be briefly stated as His willingness to act in our best interest, especially in meeting our greatest need, even though it cost Him everything and even though were the least worthy of such love. Our ability to love and serve others is founded in Christ and true love reflects this. Infatuation on the other hand gives with a need to be reciprocated. We crave a return from the person we’re with, but can never gain true fulfillment because it is founded on the flesh. Love founded on Christ will never run out.

Love Focuses on One Person, Infatuation Can Focus on Multiple People

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A person in love centers their attention in one person only. An infatuated person may be “in love” with two or more people simultaneously. In relationships based on love, particularly marriage, you recognize the value of your relationship and put that appreciation into action. Monogamy, the practice or state of being married to one person at a time should be the goal, with love as your foundation. The clearest evidence that monogamy is God’s ideal is from Christ’s teaching on marriage in Matthew 19:3-6. In this passage, He cited the Genesis creation account, in particular Genesis 1:27 and 2:24, saying ‘the two will become one flesh’, not more than two. Another important biblical teaching is the parallel of husband and wife with Christ and the Church in Ephesians 5:22-23 which makes sense only with monogamy.