Couple holding hands

Perhaps you've had quite a bit of experience in the dating scene? And maybe even a few serious relationships? But it never seems to work out.

Are you one of those romantics who keeps looking for love in all the wrong places?

Regardless of your relationship experience, it's likely that you're reading this article because you have yet to find an authentic man who truly stimulates your soul.

If you've become tired of trying to figure out how to find that guy who your heart seems to be calling, these 4 tips are written for you.

Fill the Love Cup

Far too often, the search for true love comes from the state of a lack of love.

To some, it may seem counterintuitive to not look for love when their heart is broken or if they feel an emptiness inside.

Conventional wisdom says that if you are hungry, go get some food.

Although this is logical, if your body is calorie deficient, you will likely devour the first fatty and sugary thing that you come across – the same holds true for romance.

If you are in a deep state of love deficiency, you’re likely to accept the first guy who looks your way.

Many people starve themselves all day, but then chow down on chocolate and pizza late at night.

This is also visible in the emotional abuse people inflict upon themselves by grabbing the easiest catch from the love market while starved for affection.

In contrast to conventional wisdom, sage wisdom says to eat small (but satisfying), healthy meals throughout the day so that your body isn't screaming for sugar and fat.

And when it comes to love, sage wisdom says to fill yourself with love before looking for a romantic partner so that you aren't blinded by charm and can see potential warning sings.

Filling oneself with love will be different for each individual.

Some people need to objectively review their life and make some drastic changes with things such as their lifestyles and their careers.

Others may need deep therapy and healing.

Regardless of what you need to do personally, do not enter the love market with an empty cup – fill it first!

Become Mrs. Right

What are the qualities that you desire most in a man?

  • Honesty
  • Loyalty
  • Caring
  • Desire to grow
  • Commitment
  • Great listener 
  • Intelligence

How many of the attributes that you desire most in a partner do you embody?

If you had the desire to be an executive but dressed like a beach bum and didn't understand business terminology - you would need to adjust some things.

The same holds true for romantic love. If you desire honesty in a partner, are you yourself being honest?

If you want someone who isn't superficial, you had better check if you’re wading in the shallow end of the pool.

Whatever the core values and qualities that you desire most in a partner are, it's important to first find them within yourself.

Become the perfect partner in order to attract the perfect partner.

Envision what that ideal person would be like and then give yourself an honest assessment as to whether you are, right now, compatible for them.

If not, get to work.

Know What You Really Want

It’s likely that much of what we believe and desire in our adult lives was first introduced to us when we were children.

Whether these ideologies are healthy or not, chances are we are all conditioned to value certain things and hold varying opinions about the world and the people who live in it.

If a child was raised in an abusive household, often times that child will associate love with abuse.

This is one of the many reasons why some women find themselves jumping from one abusive relationship to another without knowing why they keep attracting toxic partners.

Another commonly held subconscious belief with women who attract undesirable men is the belief that they aren't worthy.

This insecurity could stem from a lack of attention or affection when they were a child.

If a person associates love with abuse - even though they may say that they want something different - their subconscious mind says that love comes with abuse and that is what they will typically attract.

Similarly, if a person feels unworthy or not good enough, they will typically attract a relationship that validates that experience.

The good news is that you can retrain your subconscious mind to better serve you.

The first step is to understand what you really want.

The next step is to examine your relationship habits and beliefs to see if they align with what your soul truly desires.

If there is any cognitive dissonance (holding opposing thoughts or beliefs) you can become aware of those patterns and can make better conscious decisions that reflect your true self.

Entertain Your Interests

One of the biggest obstacles that women encounter when searching for a partner in life is not knowing where to look.

In a culture where alcohol, bars, and night clubs are the accepted social venues, many find it difficult to encounter an authentic connection in such superficial spaces.

One common question that arises is where one can go in order to meet others who also want to have an authentic, intimate connection.

Although there are many dating sites on the internet, one effective path to finding someone who you click with in real life is entertaining your interests.

Venture out into the world and try new things.

Take partner dance classes. Salsa, swing dancing, and other social dances have very large and eclectic scenes throughout the world.

Keep your eye out for events and gatherings that may be of interest to you - especially if they would be pushing your comfort zone. If nothing of interest comes to mind, you can always search meetup.com and browse new activities that you can explore with new people.

One of the biggest mistakes that women make when searching for a partner is actually searching for a partner.

If you want to find someone and to establish a long-term relationship, stop trying so hard.

Trying implies effort and will likely impede your enjoyment of exploring life and living in the moment.

There's also a good chance that it will make you appear desperate.

You've filled your love cup, you've become a great partner, and you know what you really want.

Let go of trying and have fun.

You'll be surprised how Mr. Right walks into your life.

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