Dear Renita,
I have continued to be unsuccessful in relationships and find it hard to put a man first in my life. I pick the relationship apart until I find a reason to leave. How can I focus on the positive aspects and learn to be happy? I have two children who have my heart and my focus. Is it too much to ask for a man to accept that and take what's left over? Are some people (like me) just meant to be without a spouse?

Dear Karen,
Whos to know whether youre meant to be without a spouse when youre the one who cuts the legs off from under the relationship? It seems as though youre the one whos unwilling to make any sacrifices for romance.

Youre right to consider your two children as your priority as a single mom. But it sounds to me as though youre unsure whether its possible to love your children and a man at the same time. Many a man has discovered that left-over love from a single mom who has a lot of love to give is not such a bad thing. Its left-over love from a single mom who resents the demands of romance and who is suspicious about opening her heart to a suitor that leaves both partners frustrated. That you bothered to write and pose the question, suggests to me that you do care and that deep down you really do desire a romantic relationship despite everything youre doing to the contrary.

Instead of wasting your time asking whether youre meant to be single, ask yourself instead why youre so hard on relationships. Ask God to help you face your old hurts and your lingering fears so that you can open your heart to the possibility of new love. You may decide in the end, for reasons having to do with your children, not to remarry anytime soon, but that is no reason to close yourself completely off from good, healthy, godly relationships with the opposite sex.


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