holding hands

Dating has changed quite significantly over the years. A relationship survey from one of the largest online dating sites, Match.com showed that dating rules and habits have changed in this highly digital era and dating behaviors drastically differ between the ages. This study also found that many younger singles are using technology as a major dating resource, while older singles tend to be way more cautions dating in the digital era. Let’s admit it. Whether you fall into the category of a younger or an older single, dating now and being in a relationship is very different than it was before the new millennium, and some of these truths aren’t so pretty. Modern dating is hard and can get pretty complicated with so many unspoken rules. Here are 15 hard truths about relationships no one wants to believe.

You can be in a relationship for months and only be talking.

In the world of modern relationships, you can date someone for months, even spend more time together than a married couple, but when it comes down to someone asking about the relationship, you’re only ‘talking’ with the person, not ‘with’ the person. This not only opens the space for major confusion, but also opens the floor for cheating, with one person on one page about the relationship, and another person on a completely different one.

Text and social media supersede phone calls.

Sadly, getting to know someone over the phone is no longer a major form of communication. A lot of relationship communication is done through text and social media messaging, making communication more detached and impersonal.

Some people aren’t looking for anything more than a hookup.

This is one of the saddest modern dating truths. No matter how hard a person might seem like they want to be with you, they may not be looking for anything more than a hookup. Unfortunately, they don’t tell you that until after they get what they wanted out of it.

There are people who will have no respect for your relationship.

Talking to someone who is clearly dating someone else is not off limits. There was a time when people respected girl and guy codes – claiming a person or being labeled as being a relationship with someone meant that the two dating were off limits to friends and to others who knew they were dating. Not today. Friends intercept their friends' relationships by talking behind their friends' back and people who spot any weakness in the relationship will prey on it.

If you care less, you have more power.

Nobody wants to try too hard or look like the person who’s more interested. The one who cares less is more attractive than the one who showers you with too much attention. So, in theory, if you care less, you have all the power.

There are relationship statuses.

With relationship statuses on sites like facebook, things can get complicated and messy. While this can be a cute display of your love for the person you’re with, it can become something dark and worrisome. Anytime you change your status or make a mention of who you’re dating, your relationship is on public display and challenged. When one party labels themselves as in a relationship, and the other party doesn’t, it begins to work at the fibers of the relationship you thought you were building.

Replying immediately to a text can be viewed as a turn off.

In order to not look too pressed or interested, replying immediately to a text is out of the question. If they didn’t respond, it was probably intentional.

Sex isn’t off the table.

Unfortunately, we live during a time where one-night stands are extremely common and talked about freely, where many people consider it their relationship norm, even on the first date. Many singles don’t even want to do the whole relationship thing. They’d rather bypass and go for the goal. Many people from previous generations valued waiting until they knew they knew that the person they were dating was a match, but with so many people engaging in casual sex, there’s greater pressure to rush. If you don’t engage early, the thought is that they just might not stay interested.

Hanging out doesn’t always mean hanging out.

There was a time when asking to hang out with someone meant you wanted to get to know them. Unfortunately, “come over” and “let’s chill” often mean one thing, without the forwardness.

Trying hard can get you rejected.

Unfortunately, the person who tries too hard in the beginning comes off like they’re pressed or outright creepy. What's sad about this is the fact that you can be genuinely interested in someone but keep those feelings to yourself so you don't come off too strong. Directness can get you played. 

You can get dumped through text.

Just as impersonal as the relationship may have started, it can end. Instead of having the dignity to break it off with you in person, they can avoid the drama, tears and pain by dumping you through text message.

Relationship breaks are common, and OK.

This is the insincere person’s way of ending a relationship, or breaking up with you temporarily to do the things they want to do, to leave an opening to eventually get back with you.

Relationships can be label-free.

Because so many people are afraid or unwilling to commit, they end up in label-free relationships that make dating even more confusing than it already is. Without the label of boyfriend or girlfriend, your relationship is left undefined. Some people use this as an opportunity or excuse to talk to other people which is even more problematic. 

You don’t necessarily date because you want a relationship.

This can be hard to gauge because of the current dating climate. When it comes to dating in the modern world, the intentions for many are very different than they were in the past. People used to date because they were interested in being in a relationship. But today, people don’t necessarily date because they want to be in a relationship. Many date because they want to hook-up, often with multiple partners, described with a mask. “Netflix and chill” isn’t even about watching movies. This can really blur the relationship lines. When sex is put on the table before you even establish a relationship, it’s not easy deciphering where the relationship stands.

People are afraid to be genuine until they’re actually dating.

If you reveal your true self in front of him/her and they see your imperfections, you just might push them away. If you can’t be genuine in the beginning, you probably will never be.

As ugly as these modern dating truths are, most of us will encounter these at some point while dating. There was a time when dating was simple. You could be straightforward without fear of being rejected or misunderstood. Relationships were less complicated and convoluted. However, maintaining a healthy relationship in today’s highly digital and secular age is more difficult than it has ever been. If you’re not prepared, your relationship could be over before it even started.

more from beliefnet and our partners
Close Ad