How to Bring Food to Grieving Friends

By Tamar Fox

I'm an avid cook, but I think in the past three months I've probably made a total of four meals. Menu planning, grocery shopping, and cooking elaborate meals-all activities I love-have been out of the question since March, when my mother was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. We have spent so little time in the kitchen since the diagnosis that my mom, an enthusiastic and innovative chef in her own right, recently joked she had probably forgotten how to use a measuring cup.

Though I miss cooking and baking, spending time with my mom is my top priority these days, so I'm glad that our community has stepped in and set up an extensive network of people to bring us food so we don't have to spend all day in the kitchen. We have gotten some truly amazing and delicious meals. Still, there have also been some pretty substantial bumps in the road.

Here are some tips to take into consideration if you're called on to bring food to a family member or friend who's ill, recovering from surgery, or dealing with a recent loss.

This article originally appeared on The Jew & The Carrot and is reprinted with permission.

Call Ahead

When you have the food all ready to go, call its destination to find out if someone is home to receive, and also ask if it's a good time to come and visit. Sometimes, when someone brings dinner they assume it's fine if they hang around and chat for an hour or two.

Sometimes it is fine, and sometimes, after a long day of doctor's appointments, physical therapy, and a never-ending string of phone calls, we just want to eat dinner and get in bed. In most cases people will be happy to tell you if it's okay to come in, or if they'd rather you just dropped it off and visited some other time. Personally, I love the people who bring us wonderful meals, give us a quick hug each, and head right back out. We get to eat while the food is still hot, and later we can call and have a lengthy chat about how tasty everything was, and how much we appreciated it.