The Guide to Being a Better Dad

Being a dad means being one half of your child’s life. That’s a huge task.

Are you up for it?

If your answer was an awkward grimace and slight shuffle toward the door, it’s okay—most people aren’t ready, and that’s pretty normal. Fatherhood can be a difficult maze to navigate, but what’s important is that you actively make an effort to get ready.

Or maybe you’ve been a dad for a while, and something just doesn’t seem right. Maybe feel like you can’t connect with your kids, or that you have a good relationship with them, but you want to know how to make things even better.

No matter where you are along the path to fatherhood, you always have a chance to improve, becoming the best dad you can possibly be—one that can instantly put a smile on the faces of your children when you walk into a room.

This is important for more reasons than one—being a good father means being a good role model, and when kids have someone of character to look up to, they can more easily become people of good character, themselves.

So, if this is what you want, read on to find 7 great tips that will guide you toward being a truly great dad.

Show Your Love

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This is the number one rule of fatherhood: show your children your love.

Don’t just think it. Show it!

This means doing things like hugging, giving plenty of those little top-of-the-head kisses, and, perhaps most importantly of all, planning quality time together that will create family traditions which they’ll treasure for years.

And don’t forget verbal affirmation, either. Tell your kids that you love them, and why you love them. Encourage their dreams and ambitions. Do little things for them that show you care.

Being loving takes a continual, conscious effort—you might not “feel like it” every single day, but it’s important to always show that you care.

A lot of guys are a little afraid to show love in this way because, perhaps, their fathers weren’t quite so open, but if you let your guard down and throw wide the gates of your heart, your kids will be so much happier and healthier for it.

Be a Protector

Your kids are going to get hurt, get blamed for things they didn’t do, and often, they’ll get themselves into big trouble through their own actions.

You need to be there to protect them.

Sometimes your protection will need to take the form of discipline when your child needs protection from themselves. When this happens, and you find yourself needing to punish, don’t do it in anger. Do it as a protector, punishing in order to teach, to guide, and to ensure your child knows to stay away from dangerous or destructive behavior.

Other times, your child will need your protection from the outside world. Here, too, you need to be willing to step up for your kids, defending them against dangers, big and small. Keep an eye on them in public places. Plan ahead when going on trips so that you don’t take them into dangerous areas. Make sure they are provided for with adequate food and shelter.

And if they’re bullied or abused by someone? You put a stop to that.

Be the protector your kids need, and they’ll have the chance to live happier, more carefree lives.

Get to Know Your Kids

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This tip is especially important because it’s the most forgotten. Lots of dads show their love and offer protection to their kids, but only a select few truly learn to communicate with them. You need to become one of these men, because getting to know your kids is one of the best ways to be a great dad.

Do you know what your children want to be when they grow up? Do you know their fears, their aspirations, and their dreams? Do you know what they do after school, and what their favorite book is?

If you don’t, it’s time to have a conversation with your little ones.

This needs to be a real conversation. Really—get down and really talk to your child, learning all you can about them. It will not only make your child feel cared about, but you’ll have the chance to impart important lessons, weighing in with your wisdom.

Open those communication channels enough, and your child will become far more comfortable coming to you with problems, concerns, and general questions about life.

Keep talking, and your relationship with your child will be all the closer. That’s a big part of what makes a great dad.

Forget About "Being a Man"

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There’s not much that’s more destructive to quality fatherhood than the constant quest to “be a man.” Giving up this struggle will help you to be a great dad.

Now, don’t misunderstand. This doesn’t mean you have to give up being male—all this means is that you should endeavor to be yourself instead of trying to be what society often calls a “Real Man.” The quest to be a Real Man can leave you unemotional, angry, disengaged, and unapproachable—it masks who you are. It also limits your activities, since Real Men can’t be silly, ask for help, appreciate certain kinds of movies and books, and so on.

Wouldn’t you rather give your family your true self? Wouldn’t you rather freely love your children, get silly with them, and be interested in all they do?

If you want to be a great dad, you do. Free yourself of societal expectations, and you’ll be free to be the best dad that you can be.

Back Mom Up

Here’s a big tip for you: if you and your wife agree to do something in a certain way—especially if you agree to it in front of your kids—do it that way.

Never undermine mom.

You and your wife are equal partners when it comes to parenting, and need to present a unified front. This means that if mom says no and little James comes running to you because he thinks you’re softer, you need to stick to what your wife said. Back up the woman you love.

And this means more than unity—help her when she needs you. Be there for her when the kids are acting up, and show her love and encouragement every day.

What you’re doing here is not only being a great husband—a topic for another day—but you’re also giving your kids a great example of how a man should act in a relationship. Believe this: they will remember everything you do, and they’ll repeat it in their own relationships later in life. If you’re loving, they’ll be more likely to be loving. If you’re cold, they might just think that’s the way to go.

So, back mom up, present a unified front, and be there for whatever she might need. You’re a team, so be a great dad and start acting like it.

Be Consistent

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Something that makes a home feel safe and secure is consistency. This simply means that once you try all of the tips on this list, you keep doing them. You don’t stop. You love your kids every day. You encourage your wife all the time. You protect consistently. Above all, you don’t just stop being a great dad because you’re having a bad day.

Consistency takes a lot of work. When you first start into the huge amount of work it takes to be a great dad, it’s a joy. Your kids are smiling, your wife is thankful, and all is well. But after a while, you’ll hit a few bad days, and things get a little harder. You’ll have to put in the effort to keep doing things properly day in and day out.

This means that you need to be purposeful in all you do, no matter what. Show up to your son’s soccer game. Be there for your daughter’s karate match. Unless there’s an emergency, be a consistent presence in your children’s’ lives.

That’s what makes a good dad great, and is a big part of what makes a house a home.

Be Truthful

Watch out: untruthfulness can subtly undermine your ability to be a good father by slowly eroding the trust between you and your children.

Maybe you’re the type who sincerely means that you’ll be at your child’s play, but something just always comes up. Or perhaps you tell little white lies to cover up your mistakes, because you’re a little embarrassed of them. Maybe you lie in order to protect your child’s feelings.

Don’t do this. It makes for a lousy dad.

Trust is what holds a family together. Without it, you’re just a collection of people who happen to share a few DNA strands. A real father fosters that trust with honesty, nurturing it until all members of the household feel safe in knowing that they don’t have to second-guess their father.

It also sets a great example. Be the person you want your children to be. Be their role model, showing the power of honesty, even when it’s hard. If you mess up, admit to it without excuse. If there’s something you don’t want them to know, tell them that you can’t talk about it rather than making something up. They’ll thank you for it later.

An honest dad is a great dad, and that’s the truth.