Friendship is a beautiful thing and can have an immense impact on your life. As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend (Proverbs 27:17).
As a parent, you want your child to develop meaningful friendships that provide them with love and support. However, not all friendships are positive, which can have a negative effect on your child's behavior, values, and faith.
As Proverbs 13:20 says, "Walk with the wise and you will become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm."
As a parent, you can't control every relationship. However, you can guide, pray, and stay aware when spotting bad friends. The key is to identify potential warning signs associated with bad friendships. Here is what to look for, along with practical tips to guide you.
1. Disrespect Toward Parents or Authority
It can be unsettling when your child's friend encourages them to dismiss rules and authority. As your child grows and develops, authority figures provide a framework for safety, guidance, and accountability.
You want to teach your child a healthy respect for authority so that they follow rules. While it's beneficial for children to showcase critical thinking as they analyze certain rules and ask questions, a balance is necessary, and healthy respect is crucial.
Ephesians 6:1 states, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
Keep an eye on friends who encourage children to disregard rules or authority, as they may negatively influence how your child reacts to authority figures, which can be detrimental to their development and sense of security.
2. Negative Changes in Behavior
If, out of nowhere, you notice sudden shifts in behavior, such as dishonesty, moodiness, or secrecy, it's essential to examine possible causes. While another individual may not always be the primary cause of negative behavior or a poor mood, it is something to consider.
Friendships often influence habits, so if you notice a shift and there are other warning signs, observe more closely and start having discussions with your child about how they're feeling and why they are acting the way they are. Try to do this without approaching them in an accusatory way.
3. Peer Pressure to Compromise Values
You're proud of the values and morals you instilled in your child, but now, something has changed.
If you notice that friends are encouraging your child to lie, cheat, or engage in unhealthy behavior, you must talk to them about the importance of upholding the biblical values they were taught.
Remind them, "You shall not steal; you shall not deal falsely; you shall not lie to one another." [Leviticus 19:11]
4. Constant Drama and Conflict
Does your child often come home upset because of ongoing conflict? Unhealthy relationships marked by gossip, manipulation, or emotional swings are something you want to immediately address, as they can have lasting effects on your child's mental health.
The Bible advises you to love all. However, it does not require one to endure a harmful influence. Setting boundaries is encouraged and can help your child recognize when to create distance to protect themselves.
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers (Psalm 1:1).
5. Exclusivity and Isolation
A major red flag is when you notice your child pulling away from your family or healthier peers because a friend is trying to isolate them. In this case, social manipulation may be at play or, at the very least, an unhealthy friendship dynamic.
You want your child to be a leader and stand up for the relationships that matter to them. Continue encouraging them to participate in family activities, reminding them of the love and support they have at home, and creating opportunities for them to spend quality time together.
Remind your child that the Bible considers manipulation a form of deception, rooted in selfishness, and that it goes against your household teachings of love, honesty, and integrity.
6. Disregard For Others' Feelings
Self-centered or bullying tendencies, whether it's toward your child or others, can negatively influence how your child behaves and treats others. If you notice that your child's friend group engages in bullying behavior, it is important to set clear rules against this harmful activity and the dangers of peer pressure.
Remain calm and talk to your child from a place of love, rather than being forceful. You want to maintain open communication while still acknowledging that this is happening.
Kindness and compassion are central themes in the Bible. Remind your child of these virtues, emphasizing that compassion is demonstrated through actions, not just words.
7. Your Parental Discernment Feels Uneasy
In many cases, whether it's friend-related or not, it's natural to have a "feeling" that something isn't quite right with your child. You can pick up on subtle cues that show changes in their mood and behavior.
As a parent raising godly children, trust your God-given instincts and pray for wisdom.
If you are experiencing some of the scenarios or intuitions discussed above, here are some tips:
Maintain open communication with your child, being supportive while also remaining a positive and authoritative leader.
Teach and remind them what godly friendship looks like, showcasing loyalty, honesty, and encouragement.
Model healthy friendships in your own life for them to witness.
Pray with your child for God to bring the right friends into their life and protect them from those who may try to harm them.
As a parent, you cannot choose your child's friends. You can, however, guide them to make good choices so they surround themselves with positive peers.
Don't underestimate the power of prayer and biblical teaching in shaping choices, instilling strong values into your child's belief system, especially in terms of respecting others and being kind.
And lastly, although Christian parenting can sometimes be overwhelming, know that God places the right people in our children's lives at the right time.
