6 Practical Ways for Parents to Discipline Their Teens

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Teenagers need their parents. The Bible makes that clear (Prov. 19:26). But the Bible is equally clear: parents have a responsibility to their teenagers. This responsibility, both weighty and significant, is to train their children in the Lord – in other words, to disciple them. Discipleship evokes the image of a caring teacher leading along an eager student. Scripture echoes this picture in the life of Jesus, showing discipleship to be a joy and a privilege. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always feel so joyful. Teenagers can get moody. Parents can get frustrated. Parent-teen relationships can get complicated and, at times, downright thorny. But the difficulty of discipleship does not decrease its necessity. Adolescence is a time of questioning and searching, of grappling with ideas and seeking after truth, of navigating overwhelming “newness” and discovering purpose and passions. Teenagers need their parents beside them to speak into the confusion, to provide clarity, and to teach the truth. Parents, God has called you to disciple your children (Deut. 11:19). Here are six practical ways to do that.

Sit down with them every week.

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Schedule a specific time every week to sit down with your teen and talk. As their spiritual leader, you need to diagnose and care for their spiritual health (Deut. 6:7). Use this time to do that. If you believe they are not saved, spend the time for instruction and dialogue about the gospel, repentance, and faith. If they are saved, ask them pointed questions about their Christian walk. How’s their prayer life? What are they reading in God’s Word? What are they learning in God’s Word? Where are they struggling? How can you pray for them? And then reach beyond the spiritual and talk about what’s going on in the mundaneness of their life. How are they feeling about school? What makes them happy? What makes them sad? How are their relationships with their friends? Are they dealing with any romantic feelings? Prioritize this time, and use it to cultivate communication with your teens. Don’t pressure or push, but make them want to open up to you. Talking regularly will help that happen organically.

Read God’s Word with them.

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Consistently reading the Bible with your teens is one of the most powerful practices of discipleship (Ps. 119:9). Consider picking a time each day to sit down with the whole family and read God’s Word together. It doesn’t have to be long! Even a few verses can be extremely effective. After you read the text, lead a brief discussion about it. Ask questions or draw practical applications. If your teenager is hesitant to join in the conversation, suggest that every member of the family have at least something to say about the passage so you can all learn together. That “something” could be an insight or it could be a question or it could be a phrase or word or sentence they found interesting. Again, don’t pressure them (discipleship withers and retreats under pressure), but do push and challenge them.

Keep them in church.

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For teenagers, discipleship doesn’t end when they leave home. The growing Christian is continually discipled their whole life in the context of the local church (Heb. 10:25). In that case, if you want your children to have sustained growth and a healthy relationship with the church, keep them in church now. Don’t give them the freedom to skip it for sports, extracurriculars, events, friends, or just because they don’t feel like it. Your teenagers need the church, and it’s your responsibility to help them see that. Encourage them to engage with the teaching and preaching. Ask them specific questions about what they heard and learned. Don’t expect them to initiate conversation; you’re the teacher here. Furthermore, if you want them to have a love for the church, you need to model that love for the church. Your teens are watching you. So demonstrate a personal, present joy and involvement in the church.

Know what they’re learning in school.

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Whether your teens are homeschooled, private schooled, or public schooled, you have a responsibility to know what they’re learning. You are their primary teacher, and you have ultimate authority over them (Eph. 6:4). Most teenagers are spending the majority of their days studying books and hearing lectures given by other teachers. And some of that teaching might be false. You must be diligent to be aware of it and respond with truth. Discipleship demands that you protect them from deception (Prov. 1:8-9). Yes, this takes time, but it’s worth it. And it will get easier as your children get older. As you train your teens to have discernment, they will be able to tell between truth and falsehood for themselves.

Read books with them.

Reading a book on Christian living with your teen can present an enormous number of opportunities for discussion and discipleship. A mom could read a book on biblical womanhood with her daughter, or a father could read a book on biblical manhood with his son – or vice-versa. As your teens get older, you could read books on dating, marriage, sex, college, careers, money, or a million other things. This also provides opportunity to dig into specific areas your teen is struggling with – addiction, insecurity, doubt, fear, anxiety, technology, lust, pride, submission, school, or something particular to your teen. A few suggested books to start with are Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald Whitney, The True Woman by Susan Hunt, and Disciplines of a Godly Young Man by R. Kent Hughes.

Point out their sins (and confess yours).

Accountability plays a big part in discipleship. Parents are called to hold their teenagers accountable, and that requires pointing out the sin that teens are unaware of in their lives. But this is not a hypocritical, pharisaical judgment, with you waiting to gleefully pounce on their tiniest infraction. It’s you loving them enough to want to protect them from the destructive and joy-killing power of sin. This is what needs to be communicated when you’re calling out their sin. Do it gently and graciously. And extend a humble invitation to them to point out sin in your life that you’re unaware of it. Take it a step further, and even confess your sin to them – not every little thing, but intentional sins that would encourage them in their own Christian walk (James 5:16).