10 Things Every Mother Owes Her Children After Divorce

Children tend to reflect back in their own lives what they see and experience every day. Because of this, we owe it to them to be a role model who strives to be the very best version of ourselves that we can be. Arguably, the mother-child relationship is one of the greatest influences in our lives. We have the power to use that influence to motivate, to encourage and to teach.

A divorced mother must model parenting, communication, and lifestyle to her children in a way that allows the whole family to move forward in a healthy and productive way that keeps divorce from damaging our children.

Even through the roller-coaster of uncertainty that accompanies divorce and single parenthood, we owe our children the following ten things on a consistent basis.

Continued Good Health

When your children are looking for something to do, don’t you want them to think about being active instead of heading for video games or phones? Lead by example, ditch the junk food and add regular, healthy activities to your lifestyle. Is there a store or restaurant close enough to walk to? Could you make a game out of cooking at home? Endorphins and healthy eating have both been shown to have a positive impact on mental health. Be active with your children and on your own. Your children need to see you eating well and engaging in a healthy lifestyle. If you always exercised, don’t let divorce change this habit. If you never exercised, make a commitment to getting out with your kids or taking walks after the kids leave for school.

Show Them the Virtues of Being Independent

Find things that you enjoy doing and make time to do them. Nothing is more boring than a person who has nothing interesting to say and nothing they are interested in doing. You will be more appealing to your children, to your friends and to yourself if you find a hobby independent of your children and your work. Your children need to see that you have interests and that your world does not revolve around them. Otherwise, they may feel overly guilty about having to leave when they visit their other parent or have outside activities. Give your children and yourself the gift of something to do that fills your mind and your time.

A Willingness to be Honest

Our children inevitably will have questions. Part of our responsibility is to learn how to answer questions in an honest and honorable fashion and to receive input from our children in the same way. We can honestly say we are having a hard day without burdening our children with details that give our children more responsibility than they need to carry. When questions about their dad cross into sensitive areas, honesty might mean explaining that those issues are between their mother and father and not appropriate for children. Sometimes honesty means that we have to let our children know that we hurt too but that we love them and are doing the best that we can. Sometimes honesty means that we have to be willing to listen to what they say to us even when it hurts because we have to know how they are feeling so we can do a better job parenting.