Words are essential since they form the foundation of our communication, allowing us to express thoughts, build relationships, and shape perceptions. Words either influence and foster connection, empathy and trust or create distance and conflict.
They reinforce or challenge beliefs and values since they can persuade, manipulate, and incite passion and violence. A word can be like a spark setting off a forest fire, turning harmony into chaos, and sending the whole world up in smoke.
Nowhere is the impact of words more evident and apparent than in children. Parents are uniquely placed and privileged to influence children, standing second to none in being able to mold them into something beautiful and valuable or damage them.
Here are six things that Christian parents shouldn't say to their children.
“I hate you right now…”
Nothing boosts or invigorates a child more than their parent's love. When you deny them your love and reiterate it with your words, even for a moment, you wound them for life. Parental love provides a safe haven in the storms of life. Your love is the one constant refuge that will stabilize the world for them.
Parental love provides the first and best glimpse of God and His unfailing love.
How can a child understand the unfailing but invisible love of God when those closest do not emulate it? Many children don't follow Christ because Christian parents are injudicious with their words.
“You're not like your brother (or sister), (or friend)...”
Each child is uniquely created and wonderfully made. Every single one of them is special, but most are insecure as they are growing up and compare themselves to others. So, comparing them with their sister or brother should be taboo. The same holds for their friend or your friend's kids. Even in justifiable anger, do not use comparison as a means to urge them to change. It will only worsen matters and make them rebel.
Motivating kids to imitate another must come only after you've applauded their abilities. You can encourage them to enhance their goodness by learning from others, but always appreciate them first before urging them to imitate another!
“He (or she) is my favorite one…”
Never show favoritism or discriminate between your children. Each one is a gift and a blessing, and remember, no one is fully perfect or imperfect. Each one has its own strengths and weaknesses, plus and minuses. As parents, we can't afford to prioritize one over the other. Children should know that mom and dad love them all equally.
History is replete with examples of how fateful such singling out has been. Enmity and hatred result in partiality and favor. God shows no favoritism, and in His eyes, we're all the same.
We ought to imitate Him, the perfect parent, and follow His example!
“You'll fail…”
Even though you may not grasp it, negative comments or derogatory words act as fetters that hamper and hinder your child. King Solomon the Wise said: Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
If so, then our words can also impart the reverse, disease and distress. Your words can also trap and ensnare or build up and educate your children.
and ensnare or build up and educate your children. Often, children struggle for years under negative comments or hasty speech made by parents. Parents act like traps in which children are caught, and they often struggle to get free. We should never curse our children in any way, for our words will place them under the power of the enemy.
Even when we're angry with them, we must use our words wisely to bring order and not disorder and disease into their lives!
“Your brother (sister) is saying this about you…”
It's important for parents not to sow dissension between siblings. We're in an enviable position to nurture relationships between our children. Often, parents tend to polarize their children to suit their own needs. If you're annoyed with one of your kids, do not download it on another to satisfy your own ego. Nurture friendship and relationships between your children so that when you pass on, they will be there for one another.
Do not leave behind a divided family, but one that will grow closer and stronger even when you're not there. The best thing we can do for our children is to teach them to forgive and forget others, especially those of their own family!
“I don't want you talking to so and so…”
Parents must teach children to relate to others around them, especially the elderly, those in authority, and the needy, both in the family and in the church. We may not get along with our parents or siblings, but children could. We'll be robbing them of valuable relationships if we tell them not to talk to someone.
One of the best legacies we can leave behind is the wealth of the community. When we're no longer there, wise and godly people will surround them with counsel or advice.
Just because we're annoyed or can't get along with certain people doesn't mean our children can't or won't. We'll be robbing and depriving them of the riches that come from community and society. If there is no case of abuse or any negative influence, we shouldn't prevent our children from interacting with others outside the home!
Words are seeds you plant and nurture a garden of flowers and fruit or weeds and toxins into lives. Your child's mind and heart are fertile soil, open and hungry for watering, seeding, and nurturing the right thoughts, emotions and actions.
You can equip them with all that is necessary to be an effective and contributing citizen in this world through wise and judicious use of words. Or you can create a monster that is crafted out of your negative words and speech.
The Creator has entrusted you to partner with Him to craft a well-balanced child who grows to bless the family and society as an adult!
Christian parents have a greater responsibility to prepare their children for this world and the next. They have the duty to instruct their children in the Lord and make them understand that the quality of their life in this world will determine the quality of the next.
