4 Ways to Show a Teenager You Trust Them

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Teenagers have a reputation for making reckless and risky decisions. Assuming that you are going to be dealing with teenage rebellion, however, can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are convinced that you are going to have to deal with a teenager who is drinking, doing drugs, having sex, sneaking out or otherwise being a stereotypical rebel, you are going to keep your teen on as tight a leash as possible. As teens grow and age, they will begin to chafe at the restrictions. In response, they will begin to push back. You will panic because they are not listening to you or following every rule which means they are rebelling. A little rebellion can lead to a big one. So, you tighten the leash. They get angry and push back harder. You tighten your grip even more in response. The cycle goes on until you have a full-fledged rebellion on your hands.

To keep rebellion at bay and help your teen transition from a child to an adult, you need to extend a little trust. Make sure your teen understands that if they break that trust, they will have a very hard time earning it back, but give your teen a chance to stretch their wings and try flying before they are booted out of the nest entirely. Going from parental control to complete independence overnight is why so many teens get into trouble in college. They never had a chance to learn how to be responsible.

It can be scary letting your teen spread their wings. After all, what if they fall? You do not have to drop the reins entirely to let your teen practice responsibility and to show them a little trust. Here are four ways to show a teenager you trust them without letting them go bananas.

Let Them Go Alone

One way to show you trust your teen is to start letting them go to events alone. If they do not want you to drive them to their sports game, let them go by themselves. Let them either drive themselves or let them carpool with a friend. Obviously, do not let your teen get in the car with someone who is prone to texting and driving, has been drinking or is otherwise a danger to anyone and everyone on the road. If your teen’s friend is a good driver, though, let the teens go together rather than insisting that you drive. Allow your teen to do things unchaperoned within reason. You do not need to be there for the school trip or with your teen when they are just going to the lake down the road. Increase those privileges as your teen ages and matures. Someone who is 13 does not need to be going on an overnight trip to a different city alone. A pair of 17 year olds, however, might be a different story. That will depend on you and what you feel your teen can safely handle.

Don’t Push

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Most parents want to help, but teenagers also tend to need their space and need a chance to try and work things out by themselves. If your teen is struggling with something, offer your help. If they tell you they do not want your help, however, accept that answer. Do not stand there and convince them to let you assist. You may not realize it, but you are telling your teen that you do not think they can do it by themselves. This goes for emotional problems as well. If your teen had a bad day, ask if they want to talk about it. If they say no, tell them you are always ready to listen, but leave it at that. The exception to this, obviously, is if you suspect something is seriously wrong or that there is an ongoing problem. There is, however, a difference between a teen who needs intervention and one that is a bit sullen because they made a fool of themselves in front of their crush. The first needs help, and you may have to push to find out how to help. The latter, however, may simply need to go be a puddle of misery on their bed for an hour or two.

Let Them Decide

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Parents want the best for their children. They want to help their children get into the best colleges and do what is best for their health. Parents want their children to succeed, and parents generally have a better idea of what is needed to succeed in the world. This, however, can lead to parents making all the decisions for their child. Give your teen some control back by letting them decide. Let them choose which sports they play and how they want to spend their money. Let them choose where they want to work or, assuming it is not a financial necessity, if they want to have a summer job at all. Be there to keep them from making choices that can seriously damage their future, but do not tell them that they need to stick with band instead of taking art classes. Let them make some of their decisions for themselves. Otherwise, they will have no idea how to do so when they get older.

Respect Privacy

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Given the trouble teens can get into, some parents adopt the idea that privacy is a privilege for children living under their parents’ roof, not a right. This, however, either leaves teens feeling trapped and coming up with increasingly desperate ways to assure themselves some measure of privacy or teaches them that their wishes are irrelevant. The latter can easily lead to teens who are helpless in the face of peer pressure. After all, what they want does not matter.

Respect your teen’s privacy within reason. Do not go through their phone or diary without permission. Do not search their backpack for porn magazines or stalk their internet history. If you worry about what they are getting into online, do not let them keep a computer in their room and have the entire family leave their phones in the living room at night. Do not, however, teach your teen that they are a prisoner without rights so long as they live in your home.