Infants are entirely focused on meeting their own needs and incapable of offering up something they value. This begins to change by about 8 months as they interact more consciously with others. A baby learns to enjoy handing objects to her mother because she loves her mother's pleased reaction.
At the negative toddler stage, however, children feel that sharing their possessions diminishes their sense of self, while holding back furnishes a sense of control. It's easier for toddlers to give up things that aren't personally valuable to them.
What Can Parents Do?
What's the goal?
To create in children the good feelings associated with giving and to inculcate early on the habit of donating to charity.
At preschool or in play groups, three- and four-year-olds begin to learn
the rules for treating others kindly. But they have a hard time
controlling their impulses, and may not follow these rules consistently.
Acting generously at this age is often connected with adult approval. A
preschooler who offers his friend some candy, for example, may eagerly
await a pat on the back from his teacher or parent.
Preschoolers often practice generosity in pretend play, trading costumes or bestowing gifts as part of a drama they're acting out.
What Can Parents Do?
What's the Goal?
To reinforce the importance of sharing and give your child the experience of being generous.
Once in elementary school, children become focused more on fairness and
equality than on generosity. They may be hard-pressed to understand why
someone would give up something without receiving something concrete in
return. Birthday parties--a major part of school-age kids' social
lives--offer them the opportunity to learn to be gracious givers (in
anticipation of their own birthday haul).
What Can Parents Do?
What's the Goal?
To help kids identify with another's happiness and to teach them that they can turn their own ideas into generous behavior.
As children enter the later elementary-school grades, some have
developed an "inner voice" that propels them to be generous without any
prompting by adults. They may be generous with their time, offering to
teach a friend how to play chess, or generous with their possessions,
letting a friend borrow an electronic game overnight. Others may need gentle reminders to think of others.
What Can Parents Do?
What's the Goal?
To get your child to focus on the satisfaction of making someone happy rather than concrete "payback."
Although preteens have absorbed the concept that it's important to treat others well, they are also influenced by their peers. Kids
this age desperately want to be popular and fit in. Consequently, they
may ignore their generous impulses--for example, to let an unpopular
kid borrow their science notes-for fear their friends will
make fun of them.
Preteens may also try to "buy" the friendship of kids they like, while denying their siblings access to their belongings.
What Can Parents Do?
What's the Goal?
To have a child search his or her own conscience for reasons to act generously.
Practically all teenagers will be extremely generous to someone. They're often idealistic and able to put another's needs ahead of their own. Some belong to religious or school groups that organize clothing or food drives for local charities; others are generous mostly with their closest friends.
As they move toward adulthood, however, teenagers typically begin to develop a balanced approach to giving. They realize that they have to apportion their resources and are more discerning about how much they can realistically give.
What Can Parents Do?
What's the Goal?
To let teens take charge of their own acts of generosity but to help them recognize when they've taken on too much.
