5 Reasons to Call Off an Engagement by Shellie Warren

When you’re in love with someone, as the relationship progresses, it’s only natural that eventually it will get to the point where the topic of marriage comes up. And if there’s a “love milestone” that is shared between two people, it’s when a marriage proposal is made. That’s what takes the relationship from two single people sharing their lives together to two individuals making the public declaration that they desire to “become one”. And that’s simply awesome. It really is.

The challenge is this: Although a lot of folks assume that the period between an accepted proposal and the actual wedding day should only be about planning the ceremony and reception (and honeymoon), the reality is if there was ever a time when both people should really pray, ponder and decide if getting married is truly the best thing to do, it would be during their time of engagement. And within that time, if you see the following “red flags”, it really is best to either slow down or, quite possibly, call the engagement off altogether.

You’re Feeling Pressured to Get Married in the First Place

You would think that in this day and age, people would not feel as pressured to get married as they used to. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Some people get pressured by their parents. Some folks get pressured by their friends. Some folks get pressured by the person they are dating. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been seeing someone, it doesn’t matter if you share children together, it doesn’t matter if the people around you simply don’t “get your relationship” - none of these are a good enough reason to get married. Pressure can lead to stress and stress is a poor marriage motivator.

You Need More Time to Prepare - For the Marriage, Not the Wedding

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The Message Version of Matthew 19:11 says this: “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone.” And you know what? Maturity knows that you need more than love to sustain a marital union. You need friendship. You need mutual respect. You need compatibility (Genesis 2:18 says that God made a comparable partner for Adam). You know what else you need? Good communication. A vision for your relationship. Financial stability. All of these things are typically covered in premarital counseling sessions (which is why it’s so important to have them!). But either way, if you realize that you’re lacking in one or more of these areas, it’s okay to postpone your engagement and marriage until you’re more prepared. It’s advised, actually.

There’s a Part of You That Wants to Call it Off

If you took a poll of all of your divorced family members and friends and asked them how they felt the night before their wedding about actually getting married (and who they were marrying), an overwhelming amount of them would probably tell you that they felt uneasy, if not downright terrified, about going through with it. But because the invitations were sent and money was spent, they went through with it anyway. Yep, weddings are expensive. You know what costs even more? Getting married, being miserable and then separating and divorcing. Break ups are uncomfortable but divorces can be downright heart-wrenching.