5 Friends We Meet Along Our Grief Journey

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The impact of death can be both shocking. We assume that our friends will be supportive after a catastrophe, but for those of us who are grieving we learn this may or may not be true. Some cherished bonds shatter in the face of grief, while others flourish. When someone we love dies, whether we like it or not, grief will rearrange our address book.

Surviving the loss of a loved one is both heartbreaking and debilitating. Healing takes place on many levels and is an endless process. Mourning someone you love shocks your spirit and shatters your heart leaving you completely vulnerable. You feel a new hole or void inside your heart that the deceased once occupied. It is during this time that you need to be in the company of kind, caring and compassionate individuals.

Like the saying goes, “You can’t choose your family.” With family, the relationships are there whether you like it or not. But our friendships are different. These are people we select based on our values, likes, dislikes and views. Your friends are your chosen family, the ones we tend to lean on even more during times of grief and sorrow.

Below are five friends we encounter during our grief journey, which one are you?

The Fair Weathered Friend

The fair weathered friend is there for you when life is good. Want to go for a drink? Want to go dancing? Need a good laugh? Call the fair weathered friend. Unfortunately, the fair weathered friend is not capable of giving more than that. The fair weathered friend is someone who supports you only when it is easy and beneficial for them. Chances are you when your grief is at its peak you will not be hearing from your fair weathered friend. That’s okay, and it’s probably for the better. As our environment, personalities and lives change so do the people we surround ourselves with. A true friend is there during times of crisis and triumph. When you are grieving is it imperative to surround yourself with the right people. If someone is only there for you during fortunate circumstances perhaps it is time to reevaluate the friendship.

The Foul Weathered Friend

We just discussed the fair weathered friend, but did you know the fair weathered friend has a twin? A foul weathered friend is there for you during times of hardship. They offer you support, guidance, advice all with a big cup of tea while allowing you cry on their shoulder. They sympathize and validate your feelings. During the early days of grief this seems like a wonderful friend, it’s someone to vent to. But as time passes this friend is a dark cloud. When the early days of grief start to pass, and the fog lifts this friend is still darkness and gloom sucking you into a black hole. This is the friend whose glass is always half empty and sucks any signs of happiness right out of you. When you start showing signs of hope and even just an ounce of happiness this friend vanishes. The foul weathered friend is not capable of lifting you up during hard times. The foul weathered friend only seeks you out when life is stormy and you have a problem. The foul weathered friend is not a friend; this is someone you need to ditch ASAP.

The Second Sibling

This friend regards the people in his or her life as an extension of family. She maintains a very tight inner circle of friends. She thoroughly enjoys spending time with you, even if it during a rough patch. When you spend time together it is quality time and she enjoys having long, meaningful conversations with you, even during your darkest moments. She lets you vent your frustrations and cry on her shoulder. This is a friend until the end. She values your friendship and was probably one of the first ones to make contact with you when your loved one died. If too much time passes you can be sure that this is the friend who will be reaching out to make sure you are okay. The second sibling is a friend for life.

The Cheerleader

This is the kind, supportive and caring voice we need to hear during our darkest moments, when our grief is threatening to suffocate us. This is the friend who cheers you on and supports you no matter what. This is the friend who will choose to be there for you during hardship and misfortune, sometimes missing out on their own opportunities. This is the friend who cooks for you and drags you out of the house to escape the isolation of grief. This is the friend who send you flowers when the funeral is over and everyone has gone home. The cheerleader friend knows that you are drowning in massive waves of grief and they have chosen to be your life jacket. They do this without regret or bitterness. They do it happily, hoping to be your ray of sunshine during the bleakest and dreariest moments of your life. The cheerleader friend is genuine and rare. They are committed to all their friendships and you are at the top of the line.

The Compassionate Friend

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The compassionate friend offers friendship, hope and understanding during your darkest moments. These are the friends who are constantly checking in on you, even you pretend to be okay. The compassionate has an open heart to her surroundings and truly listens when you speak. This is the friend who will cancel her highly anticipated date night to sit with you and a box of Kleenex because she knows that your grief is overwhelming and isolating. Your compassionate friend recognizes that while she cannot replace the person you are grieving, perhaps her friendship can help fill some of the massive hole in your heart. Your compassionate friend is always there for you during the tough times even if this means that she is uncomfortable. The compassionate friend is a friend for life, a treasured gem.