2017-02-06

Suggested Celebrity New Year's Resolutions

By Esther Kustanowitz

We love to watch celebrities and critique their behavior. Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should let them make their own mistakes. Or maybe we should assess celebrity behavior this year and determine which celebrities could use some suggestions for New Year's Resolutions to make 2012 a great year. And that's just what we've done. So Britney, Madonna, Jennifer and others, listen up.

The first suggested celebrity New Year's Resolution is...

Esther D. Kustanowitz blogs at Idol Chatter and in lots of other places, including MyUrbanKvetch.com and JDatersAnonymous.com. She is based in Los Angeles, so she can keep careful watch over our celebrities in 2009.

Robert Pattinson

Some of us know what it's like, being pale and cute with a haircut you'd probably prefer you didn't have. And getting into character as a vampire with a heart does require a bit of withdrawal from social norms. It's a tough life, we know. But we're begging you: please stop complaining that your director from "Twilight" has asked you to keep your hair long. You're in a hit movie that's making a ton of money and putting you on magazine covers, so just look like the character for a little while: bare your fangs, shake your floppy hair and make the teenage girls happy, ok? Or we'll put in a call to Zac Efron and see if those adorable eyes of his are available.

Britney Spears

With no head-shaving incidents to point to this year, the only Britney madness we have is the fact that she has a new album out and it has been tearing up the charts.  Our advice to Britney and her rollercoaster life?  KEEP IT UP!

Sarah Palin

Our advice is twofold: first of all, it's clearly time to invest in some magazine subscriptions in the new year, which you should ideally read and digest, but at least commit to memory which titles are arriving. Secondly, change your venue and change your luck. Your perky personality would be great on a talk show: you could cook with Rachael Ray, or interview folks like Joe Sixpack on your own show. We're sure the offers will come in.

Michelle Williams

Just keep doing your own thing: churn out quality, intense performances and be a good mom to Matilda. But if you're looking for something you can change in the new year, resolve to sign on for a comedy once in a while: it might be just the emotional release you need.

Celebrity Baby Names

While technically not a person, celebrity baby names have gotten out of control. In previous years, we had Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee's kid) and Moxie Crimefighter (still possibly the best, from Penn Gillette). This year we got Willow Sage, Banjo, and a Morocco.  It never stops!

Jennifer Aniston

Jen, we're so happy to see you back in the spotlight, making movies and reminding us that you're a fine comedic and dramatic actress. Do resolve to do more comedy, maybe with Tina Fey on "30 Rock."  We want you to be healthy and happy, so when the "Friends" reunion show comes calling, you'll be able to negotiate your salary from a position of strength.

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