Why Am I So Sad? By Chris & Rhnella Adsit and Marshele Waddell l Dealing With Loss and Grief Issues

Understanding Grief

Grief is always triggered by a loss of some sort – losing someone or something we had an attachment to. Grief has different levels and intensities. We grieve a little when a favorite pair of jeans is ruined and we have to throw them away. We grieve a little more when our personal computer crashes and we lose hundreds of cherished photos. Deeper grief comes when a beloved pet dies, a treasured relationship ends, dreams we’ve held for the future evaporate, or when someone we love passes on.

But, as grief and trauma counselor Dr. H Norman Wright tells us, “Loss is not the enemy. Not facing its existence is. Loss is the fuse that triggered the bomb. The loss has irretrievably passed – and now comes the process of dealing with the crater that’s left.

Grief is neither a problem to be solved nor a problem to be overcome. It is a sacred expression of love…a sacred sorrow. –Dr. Gerald May, M.D.

The Purpose of Grief

God built the grief response into us for the purpose of mentally, emotionally and spiritually processing loss-producing events. Those events are integrated into our altered world, and help us move on to a state of greater strength, resourcefulness, resilience and faith. If we are not willing to face the grieving process, or if we try a short-cut, we’ll be left adrift in our sea of pain, never reaching the shores of healing that the Lord intends for us.

As drill instructors repeatedly remind your husband during basic training, “Pain is simply weakness leaving the body!” In a similar fashion, “Tears are a way God has provided for sadness to leave our body.” If we resist this mechanism, our sorrow may never lose its intensity.

How To Grieve

The cycle of emotional states demonstrates the roller-coaster ride of activity and passivity as the hurting person wriggles and dodges in her desperate efforts to cope with the trauma, avoid change and finally be reconciled to it.

The person starts out in a state of relative stability and then the bomb goes off. Over an unspecified period of time, he or she progresses through these states:

· Immobilization stage: Shock. It takes a while for the enormity to register and sink in.

· Denial stage: trying to avoid the inevitable.

· Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.

· Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out. Make promises to God if He’ll fix things; setting conditions for healing.

· Depression Stage: Final realization of the inevitable. Finally resolved to the fact that he or she won’t be able to restore life to the way it was.

· Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.

· Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward. They are now fully acknowledging the trauma or crisis.

No one can say for sure how you will deal with your unique trauma. Therefore, don’t compare your grief process with someone else’s.

How To Have A Good Mourning

• Remember where God is. Let Him pull the pain out of your body, soul and spirit into Him.

• Remember the past and remain optimistic. The current experience may seem like the worst experience you’ve ever had but it’s not the only trauma that you’ve known. Think back to the times God has sustained you in the past.

• Put your faith in the right place. Don’t tie faith into circumstances. Have faith in just “God.”

• Don’t try to be the Lone Ranger. Be sure to find a few people you know you can count on to be there for you when you need them.

• Do something with your anger. Go for a run; work out at the gym, pound the heavy bag for a while; dig a garden; scrub the kitchen, etc.

• Keep a grief journal. Writing will help you to get your feelings out.

Life, Death, Grief And Eternity

Many or most of our experiences in life are joyful and positive, but in the tapestry of every life dark, painful threads are also woven. These threads come from the various storms of life: the death of friends and family, sickness, betrayals, shattered dreams, accidents – not just war. They all have one thing in common: change. We need to see all of these life changes as integral parts of the ebb and flow of our existence. Part of growing strong and mature is learning how to fully experience the distressing events of life, embrace them, mourn them, release them and be able to move on. This is the rhythm of the Kingdom of God. Resurrection is preceded by a violent death and a period in the grave. Let’s believe that God is working on your personal Easter!