What the Bible Says About Dealing With Your Mouthy Teenage Daughter

What should you do with your princess?

“Do your children respond with eye-rolling and sarcasm to everything you say?” asks Lehman. “Most – if not all – kids go through phases when they are sassy, mouthy, or disrespectful. As a parent, it’s hard to know when to let it slide – and when to address the problem.” Kids who talk back are attempting to be more autonomous and gain control over their lives, according to Jim Bozigar, head of community outreach at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh. Lehman agrees: “I believe children and teens do a lot of things because they don't know how to express emotions appropriately. They learn a lot from watching other kids and people around them. If your daughter is frustrated and doesn't know how to show it, and she sees somebody else roll their eyes and make a face, she’ll absorb that lesson without even thinking about it. Then the next time she’s frustrated at home, she’ll roll her eyes and make a face at you. If she gets a reaction, that will often just reinforce the behavior, because she knows she’s gotten to you. Don’t kid yourself: if you threaten your child by saying, ‘Don't do that to me, young lady, or you'll be grounded,’ that will only make her do it more.”

What should you do with your princess?

Be a good example. “Teach your teen girl to express her feelings more skillfully instead of mouthing off,” advises Liza Blau on the website Everyday Life. “Although it's not always easy staying calm when your teen girl is rude and disrespectful, resist the temptation to get into a sparring match. Talking back to her with an equal number of insulting remarks will only provoke her into making more rude comments and escalate the argument. By responding with angry words, you're validating her mouthiness by giving her power to push your buttons. Moreover, teenagers often model their behaviors after their parents' behaviors. If you behave in the same immature manner that you're telling her to stop, it sends her a contradictory message that such behavior is actually acceptable."

What should you do with your princess?

“These days, adolescents have less fear of being sassy, mouthy or disrespectful to their parents and other adults in public,” says Lehman. “I think if they're acting that way in public, then you can correct them in public. Say, ‘Don’t talk to me that way, I don’t like it.’ If the rude attitude doesn't stop, then take them to the car. If your child is being smart alecky to other adults, you can use the same technique. Say ‘Don't talk to Mrs. Smith that way, I don't like it.’ If your child persists, you can say, “Let's go. Goodbye, Mrs. Smith.” Take your child and leave. By the way, if it's another parent's child being rude to you, I still think you can say, ‘Don't talk to me that way, Tommy, I don't like it.’

What should you do with your princess?

Between the ages of 11 and 18, fitting in with peers is tremendously important to your daughter. Laurence Steinberg of Psychology Today magazine says that even the presence of peers affects a teen's behavior. As part of the fitting in process, they may develop language and ideas that do not necessarily conform to home values. Unless the ideas involve something illegal or dangerous, don't panic. An article on peer pressure from WebMD notes that parental influence is still important. Teens and twos have in common a need to test their boundaries. Mouthing off about things that make you see red is part of this process. Listen to what she has to say, even if you don't approve of the idea.

What should you do with your princess?

“Mouthing off is your teen girl's dysfunctional way of trying to be heard,” writes Blau. “You can teach her that she'll actually be heard much more effectively when she communicates in a healthier way. Show her that you're genuinely interested in learning her perspective, feelings and opinions. You might say, ‘I'm interested in hearing why you need to stay out past your curfew on Saturday night.’ This way, she'll learn to put her feelings into words more skillfully. Show that you respect her desire for autonomy by working with her and being open to compromise. By remaining flexible, you demonstrate that you're willing to honor her needs while still setting limits. You might say, ‘OK, you can stay out an extra hour past your curfew, but that's it.’”

What should you do with your princess?

“Join the club of ‘I don’t like my teen,’” advises Chris Stout on the website Family Corner. “I love her but I sure don’t like the way she acts toward me. But I help myself by realizing that this is normal for her age group. I see how the other girls do the same things to their parents. It is disrespectful, however, it isn’t really her way of life. I take pride in knowing that my daughter is very well liked in school, by peers and educators. The parents of her friends absolutely adore her. So she can’t be all bad. It’s something that she is going through and I know deep inside her, well not really that deep, she loves me, respects me and knows that I will be by her side in rain or shine.”