"Inside-Out" Tips for Helping Our Teens Thrive

In his new book, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Dr. Siegel argues that adolescence -- a developmental stage that actually spans from 12 to 24 years of age -- is a critical time for us to find ways to support their growing emotional intensity, drive for novelty, sense of creativity and need for social engagement.

Persepective

"It never hurts to see the good in someone. They often act the better because of it. "



Nelson Mandela's words speak volumes when I think about raising my teenage son.  All too often, I hear parents -- myself included -- say of our adolescents:



"I wish he weren't so lazy."



"She's completely self-absorbed." 



"He/She is (immature/ unfocused/ apathetic/ rebellious/ disrespectful/ aloof)."



My son, spotting a parenting book called Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! (in my opinion a useful read with an unfortunate title) on my bedside table, looked crestfallen.



"That's exactly the problem," he said. "It's like you adults are at war with us."



This negativism is not only disrespectful towards our adolescents but is also disempowering, said Dr. Daniel Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, at a recent talk at the New York Insight Meditation Center

In his new book, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Dr. Siegel argues that adolescence -- a developmental stage that actually spans from 12 to 24 years of age -- is a critical time for us to find ways to support their growing emotional intensity, drive for novelty, sense of creativity and need for social engagement.  



As an interpersonal neurobiologist and co-director of the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center, Dr. Siegel offers scientifically proven ways to help teens strengthen their brains and their relationships while still offering them structure in their lives.  



Imagine the U.S. Department of Agriculture My Plate, designed to help Americans achieve a healthy and balanced diet. Now imagine a Healthy Mind Platter, offering seven "inside-out" activities to promote optimal brain matter and create well-being. Dr. Siegel and his colleague David Rock say these practices belong not only in every adolescent's schedule, but in every adult's as well. 

 

Focus Time



"When we closely focus on tasks in a goal-oriented way, we take on challenges that make deep connections in the brain." 



The key to focus is to do one thing at a time. Texting, chatting and surfing the Internet continually disrupt the conditions needed for the brain to process input for long-term learning.



Play Time



"When we allow ourselves to be spontaneous or creative, playfully enjoying novel experiences, we help make new connections in the brain."

Play is built into our children's lives when they are in elementary school but begins to disappear as they get older.  By adulthood, play time can vanish entirely from our lives.  Dr. Siegel himself makes time for an improv class and in-line skating around his neighborhood.

Connecting Time

"When we connect with others, ideally in person, and when we take time to appreciate our connection to the natural world around us, we activate and reinforce the brain's relational circuitry."

The two P's - people and planet - are essential to this definition of connection.  We stand to gain a great deal of joy from face-to-face interaction with others, but how often do we think about the benefits of being in nature or caring for the environment?  "Picking up litter when we see it, and not littering ourselves, is a great start," says Dr. Siegel.

Physical Time

"When we move our bodies, aerobically if medically possible, we strengthen the brain in many ways."



Neuroplasticity -- the brain's ability to change and develop in response to experience -- is enhanced by physical activity. Exercise is a proven mood-booster as well.



Time-In

"When we quietly reflect internally, focusing on sensations, images, feelings and thoughts, they help to better integrate the brain." 



"Time-in" can take many forms, from meditating to mindfully washing the dishes.  The trick is to be intentionally aware of what is happening, as it is happening.  A short audio instruction on how to do "breath awareness" -- just one of these tools -- is here.  



Down Time

"When we are non-focused, without any specific goal, and let our minds wander or simply relax, we help the brain recharge."

All too often, we relegate down time to weekends or vacations.  Dr. Siegel argues that giving our teens and ourselves permission to unwind on a daily basis, even in limited amounts, is beneficial to our health and happiness.

Sleep Time

"When we give the brain the rest it needs, we consolidate learning and recover from the experiences of the day." 



The National Sleep Foundation states that most teens require eight and a half to nine and a quarter hours every night.  For adults, that number is from seven to nine hours. 





All the Time

A copy of the Healthy Mind Platter now hangs on our refrigerator door.  It provides a conversation starter with my son on how I can support him to build his optimal life. When I approach our interactions with the intention to learn what he is feeling, thinking and hoping for, he feels felt. And what teen does not wanted to be encouraged to play and connect with friends?



Dr. Siegel's work is a reminder that adolescence is not just something to be endured, but a time for us to savor as we watch them begin to flourish on their own. And brain research now tells us that what works for adolescents may just be the key to our own ability to thrive as well.




Barbara Becker is principal and founder of EqualShot, a strategic planning & communications firm based in New York, and a faculty member at Columbia University's masters program in strategic communications.  You can follow her on Twitter @meditatingmom or on Facebook.