10 Things You Don’t Know About Adultery

You probably didn’t know …

Men are better than women at detecting a cheater. “Statistically, men do better than women at detecting infidelity in their partner,” write the experts at AskMen. “but this could stem from the basic insecurity men have inevitably faced in the battle of the sexes before the discovery of DNA and paternity tests: How could a man know for certain that his spouse was carrying his child? This has been programmed into our genetic code for thousands of years, it's nothing a handful of decades worth of knowledge about DNA could hope to reverse. Throw in unhealthy doses of jealousy and suspicion, and men aree almost assured of being better cheating-detectors.”

You probably didn’t know …

Women are more likely to cheat during ovulation. “She feels sexier,” write the experts at AskMen. “She may dress more provocatively — in tighter clothes or fewer clothes — than at another time of the month. In an evolutionary scheme this makes good sense: In an effort to propagate the species, she's at her most fertile and flirtatious at the very same time. But shouldn't this instinct shut down when the woman is in a relationship? Of course not; her genetic code has no idea she's in a relationship, has no idea what that wedding ring means. In fact, results from a University of New Mexico study published in the esteemed Proceedings of the Royal Society suggest a strong link between ovulation and a heightened interest in men other than her spouse.

You probably didn’t know …

Men and women are unfaithful for different reasons. Men generally cheat because there’s an opportunity to do so. Relationship therapist Gary Neuman writes in his new book The Truth About Cheating, 88 percent of men surveyed said the women they had affairs with were not better looking or in better shape than their partners. According to a number of clinicians who treat couples, a man's infidelity isn't necessarily an indication of his unhappiness in the relationship. Clinical psychologist Dr. Joyce Hamilton Berry told author Lynn Noment, "I compare male infidelity to a man walking into the kitchen and seeing a chocolate cake sitting on the counter. It looks good; it smells good. He is not hungry, but he will eat the cake anyway. In other words, men sometimes cheat when they see a woman who is attractive and appears to be interested, and even though there is nothing lacking in their marital relationships, they initiate affairs anyway."

You probably didn’t know …

The reason women cheat is substantially more complicated. When they cheat, it is almost invariably an indication of unhappiness, say the experts at AskMen. "Women usually cheat when the marriage is not fulfilling and is already in trouble,” says Dr. Berry. “They cheat because they feel neglected, or because the husband has been unfaithful." Other women cheat for more complex reasons, such as a deep fear that their faithful spouse will behave like their own cheating father did. So, the deeply scarred daughter cheats to beat her unsuspecting spouse to the punch – destroying the marriage, and fulfilling her fear that it couldn’t possibly last … since their parents’ marriage hadn’t.

You probably didn’t know …

How do you know if your unfaithful spouse will cheat again? “How remorseful the guilty party is will give you a big clue about the future,” advises eHarmony. “If the person expresses real remorse and takes full responsibility for their actions, studies say they are less likely to embark on this destructive behavior again. Be worried about the cheater who makes excuses for their behavior, or isn’t apologetic. The most important thing to remember if your partner strays is that they made a really bad decision – and you didn’t. Instead of blaming yourself for their betrayal, appreciate your worth, know you are enough just as you are, and recognize the infidelity or other betrayal had nothing to do with you and everything to do with their poor choice.”