8 Ways to Foster Togetherness in Your Family

Fostering togetherness in an age marked by individualism can be a challenge, but one we should make every effort to rise to. Within our families is where we first learn how to communicate, empathize, and emotionally respond to others, and so it is vital that those skills be fostered.

Family is also where we feel safest, and where we begin to grow as people—family members are the people you can turn to for support when you’re unsure of yourself. It is in those moments, when we feel the safest, that we are best able to discover our true selves, our loves, and our passions.

Fostering a sense of togetherness in your family can be achieved by focusing on two measures—quantity and quality of time. Both should be encouraged. There are numerous ways to do this, but let’s take a look at the best 8 ways to foster togetherness in your family so that you’ll never have to say “I don’t have time right now,” again.

Rethink your Schedule

Let’s face it—you’re too busy. We all try to cram as much into our days as possible, fitting in school and work and sports and lessons of all kinds. We want more things, so we work harder, and more hours to have the income to spend on all of it. “Work hard, play hard” is the philosophy to have, right?

Not so fast.

Business is the bane of togetherness. To truly feel together, a family needs both quantity and quality in their time together—this means not only spending a decent amount of time with one other, but making it count. We’ll cover the quality part of this equation in later slides, but right now, take a look at your calendar. Is everything full?

Start erasing.

If you’re pushing your kids to be involved in every single after-school activity possible, consider limiting them to one per season. Not only will you free up their time, but they’ll have the opportunity to be much more dedicated to one or two activities rather than spreading themselves out over ten.

Likewise, as a spouse and parent, don’t be afraid of limiting yourself to one volunteer or church activity. Having free time isn’t a bad thing. In fact, as we’re about to see, it’s a great thing for your family.

Take Advantage of Every Moment

So you’ve made your calendar as clear as you can, you’re giving less time to people outside of your family, and you’ve tried to focus your kids on one or two activities, but you still don’t have very much time? Consider this—you have “free time” built into your every day.

Do you drive? Wait in line at the grocery store? Have meals with your family? Put your kids to bed? These moments, and many more, are all filled with the potential for shared time.

Take advantage of every moment you get, especially if your schedule truly is unchangeable. If you can, extend these moments. When you put your children to bed, read to them. At dinner, make sure the conversations flow. After church, discuss the sermon and what it means to each of you. Opportunities for shared conversations abound, so learn to see them when they arise, and establish your quantity.

Ask and Invite Questions

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Now, let’s talk about quality.

What makes quality time quality? Is it the mere fact that you’re together? Nope—that’s still quantity. Is it that you’re talking at each other? Closer, but we’re still not quite there.

It’s about communication.

Think back to the time when you first met the person would go on to become your best friend. What was exciting about that time? How did you get to know one another?

You asked questions.

If you want to make your family feel important, ask questions about their lives. Let them know that you’re curious. Ask about their day, what their passions are, what they like and dislike. You’ll probably be surprised. Many families never do this, and find, many years later, that they’re shocked at the rich inner minds of their siblings and parents.

Don’t let that be you. Not only ask questions, but invite them, as well. Create a sense of safety, where family members feel free to ask anything—including important life questions.

Show and Tell

Once communication begins to flow, it’s time to move from telling to showing. When the members of your family begin to enjoy the freedom of talking about themselves and asking about others, begin encouraging them to show, as well—if they love the violin, have them play, or if they’re great baseball players, let them show you their curve-ball.

This is a great way to share new experiences, and to get everyone excited about one another’s hobbies and passions. If you have a family full of “doers,” especially, this can result in some fun outings—fishing with dad, biking with a son or daughter, or hitting the gym with mom.

It can be hard to show the things that you love, and even hard to invite others to participate—we’re all much more vulnerable when we put our loves on display. People can reject us or make fun of us. But your family should be the people who are positive about the things that make you happy. Make sure that happens.

Learn Together

Those shared experiences can lead to something else, as well—learning. When a child brings out a beloved chess board to teach everyone else to play, guess what? Everyone learns how to play chess. If some probing reveals that dad is a huge Lord of the Rings fan? Well, everyone is about to learn what a hobbit is, and why it lives in a hole in the ground.

Shared activities—especially difficult activities—are a great way to bond. Having a shared purpose against a challenge—in this case, a new activity—brings people together, and encourages teamwork and collaborative learning. Knowledge can trickle down from parents, to older siblings, to younger siblings, encouraging both edification and closeness. It’s win-win.

Keep your family working together and engaging in shared activities, and you’ll find yourself with closer bonds than you would if you all simply run to the isolations of your rooms at the end of the day.

Talk Through Problems

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All that activity and bonding will, inevitably, lead to conflict, so be ready. Remind yourself daily that you’re human, and your family is human. Unrealistic expectations are the root of most conflicts.

When issues do arise that threaten the togetherness of your family, use these moments as opportunities—they can actually draw you all closer together. When someone’s feelings are hurt, make sure they have a chance to be heard rather than silencing them. Allow each party to speak, and arbitrate, keeping the peace. Simply allowing someone who has been hurt a chance to “let things out,” so to speak, can go a long way toward helping calm tensions.

Learning how to properly respond to conflict is vital, and will greatly affect how younger members of a family grow and interact with one another. Encourage dialogue and patience during conflicts, and ensure that everyone is heard, and is treated fairly—this will become the norm, and rather than driving the family apart, conflict will now likely lead to everyone getting to know one another even better.

Celebrate

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Never be afraid to let loose—parents, kids, and teenagers included. Celebrating together, like teaming up to overcome a challenge, is a great way to become closer to one another.

It’s also a great way to life individual family members up. Do you remember how nice it felt for your parents or siblings to wish you a happy birthday every year, to give you presents, to light candles on a cake, just because you were born and they’re glad about that? Give that feeling to your family, and make sure they give it to one another. Celebrate the small things—sports wins, the mastery of a new skill, even something as mundane as the finishing of a new book.

Everyone wants to feel special and loved. Make sure your family does, and often. They’ll repay the favor, and in the end, you’ll have one seriously happy, close family.

Support Each Other

Tragedy happens. Whether it’s an injury, a failure, or even the loss of a loved one, it strikes us all. When things get tough, though, family members should know how to respond to one another’s grief.

Be there for each other—listen without being overly eager to speak, ask them what they want or need, and bring them whatever comforts you can think of, based on your knowledge of them. They may not thank you in the moment, but the gestures will mean much to them when they think back and realize how kindly and lovingly their family treated them.

Even in what might be considered a small sadness, be empathetic. If your child lost his favorite walking stick, which was just a branch he broke off a dead tree, you may be tempted to chuckle and brush it aside. But if that stick was truly important to him, the hurt will be real. Comfort your family when they need it, and you send the message that their home is a safe, loving place.