Family relationships are supposed to be built on love, trust and respect, but unfortunately, that's not always the case. Sometimes, the people closest to us can cause the deepest hurt, leaving us feeling like we have to put up with their behavior simply because we're related.
Whether it's constant criticism, hurtful comments, manipulation or even abuse, being family doesn't give someone a free pass to mistreat you. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, and it's okay to set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. In some situations, that may even mean limiting or cutting off contact. Here are five things you should never feel obligated to tolerate just because someone is family.
1. Remarks About Your Body
Even if someone is family doesn't mean they have the right to make remarks about your body. Unfortunately, you may have already heard mean remarks about your body – and they were made by your family members. Your family members do not have the right to make any statement about your body, whether good or bad. If something makes you feel bad or uncomfortable, you don't have to tolerate it.
Even if your family member tries to play it down, remind yourself that you don't have to take it. You can call out their bad behavior and make it clear that you don't want anyone saying anything about your body. Whether you lose or gain weight, it is not for them to comment on.
In the same way, make sure you don't make any comments about anyone else's body either. This will demonstrate to your family that you are serious. At the end of the day, no one should make comments about anyone else's body. If you wouldn't want someone talking about your body, don't talk about theirs.
2. Abuse of Any Kind
You never need to tolerate any sort of abuse just because someone is family. Just because someone is family doesn't mean they have the right to do whatever they want to you. If you have been verbally, physically mentally, sexually, or spiritually abused by a family member, it is your right to tell this information to your local authorities, your spouse, your therapist, and anyone else you feel you need to tell. Sadly, family members are often the people who hurt their children and extend family members the most.
Don't be afraid to speak out and establish boundaries. When someone says they have changed, take it with a grain of salt. Assess the situation yourself and don't tolerate any sort of abuse. Stand your ground and make your voice be heard. If a family member will not respect your boundaries, don't be afraid to recruit the help of local law enforcement and go no contact.
3. Hurtful Words or Actions
You don't have to tolerate hurtful words or actions just because someone is your family member. Family members should love and care about you; they should not want to harm you with their words or actions. Challenge yourself to say “no” to these individuals and stand up for yourself. Don't allow these individuals to bully you anymore.
When someone says something hurtful or hurts you with their actions, speak up. Tell them that what they did or said was hurtful. If they gaslight you or minimize your pain, then it is time to walk away from the relationship. Just because someone is family doesn't mean that you have to have a relationship with them. Stand your ground and remind them that you have a voice.
4. Allowing Family to Drain Your Hard-Earned Income
Sadly, many family members may have drained your income or tried to ask you for money on multiple occasions. This can range from an annoyance to a true burden. Just because someone is your family doesn't mean you have to give them money. You can say “no” and encourage them to work for their own income or seek out resources in other ways, such as their local social security or family services offices.
It is not your responsibility to provide for your adult family members. Some may have fallen into hard times, but those who continue to drain your money and don't do anything to help their situation don't deserve your kindness. They must learn to work for their own food and income. In this way, you will be teaching them a greater lesson.
5. Manipulation
Just because someone is family doesn't mean you have to allow them to manipulate you. When was the last time a family member manipulated you? Perhaps they were just going to stay for a day, but now, they have been there for a few months. Or maybe your family member needed a job, but they said bad things about you to the company you work for and now your job is in jeopardy.
It is terrible to have a family such as this but sadly, many people’s families act in this way. If your family is manipulating you, don't feel compelled to take it. You can stand up for what is right and tell your family that you are not going to allow them to manipulate you anymore. Whenever you get nervous to speak up, take a deep breath and imagine what your life will look like on the other side. It will not always be this dark.
We often hear that family comes first, but does that mean putting up with behavior that hurts us? The truth is, loving your family doesn't mean accepting mistreatment. Whether you're dealing with hurtful comments, manipulation, financial pressure or abuse, being related doesn't give anyone the right to treat you poorly. Setting healthy boundaries isn't selfish; it's an important part of protecting your well-being. You can love your family while still standing up for yourself. If you ever feel threatened or unsafe, reach out to someone you trust or contact local authorities for help.
