Dear Iyanla:
I have a good friend from high school who calls me often to gripe about things-her boyfriend, her parents, her health, her job. She's also very sympathetic when something goes wrong in my life, like if I have a fight with my husband. But if I want to share something good, she's not interested. When my husband gave me a 40th birthday party, she didn't show up or even send a card! Why is she only a "bad news" friend?

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The good news is that you get to discover and, in most cases, determine the purpose people serve for you. In many cases, old friends who journey with us through the many transitions of life find a purpose in our weaknesses and feel out of place in our strengths. Is it possible that you have assigned your friend the role of shouldering your burdens? In which case, it would mean that your connection in friendship is stronger in misery than it is in joy.

If she is a "bad news" friend, it may be because you have trained her to be just that.

If this is an important relationship in your life, I would encourage you to share your thoughts and feelings with your friend. Invite her to become a part of your joy by acknowledging her for the strength she has been to you. Let her know how much she means in your life and, give her a new assignment. Always remember, you are the only one who gets to say what goes on in your life.

In the meantime,
Be Blessed!
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